Since I’ve been in and out of this searching for work funk I’ve not really felt compelled to write about much of anything. I’ve been rethinking my way of approaching things. And I’ve wondered if my choices up until this point have been good ones. It’s what happens for me when shit hits the fan and life sucks. I over think everything that is happening at every turn. If there were some kind of club or association or recovery program I might be the founder. No seriously, I spent most of this last week thinking about how much different life would be if I had only made other choices. But I wouldn’t be happy today. This I know in my heart. I would be a miserable shell of myself and it would blow hardcore. I would have been stuck in a relationship that would have sucked the life out of me…
Dating has never been my strong suit. Okay that’s not entirely true, I’m great at first dates and hanging out and having fun but I’m awful at choosing the right person. I love men and I love the anticipation of the first date and the feeling of impending doom that comes with deciding if the man-child is worthy of a second date or not. But, in true Mama form I usually pick wrong. My heart and my woman parts talk far more frequently than my heart and my head. My libido picks the man who I know can support my desires for banging but when my head enters the equation it is always sad to have to point out the rest of my body that there is no relationship potential. None. Zip. Zero. And then the inevitable heartbreak ensues and someone ends up sad and/or pissed and/or eating shit ton of cupcakes.
So, what happens when you actually meet someone who can fulfill the physical and the emotional relationship talky shit? A person who can hold up there end of a conversation, a person who can pick out a decent wine, a person who can throw down a few beers and of course a person who can make your toes curl with a first, second and third kiss…and then ya know. What happens? Is it even possible? Personally, I thought it was like the Bermuda Triangle. That shit just doesn’t exist. It’s like the dating Trifecta of Awesome. You get someone who is a certain amount of awesome in certain areas and then that’t enough. That’s enough to get you by as you move forward in the dating game. Enough to make you happy, maybe not like the Triple Crown happy but you know it’s good and it fits and it works. I’ve never been good at that. Truthfully, I’ve never been okay with just good enough. I wrote previously about dating not dating a Less Than Man and I think that’s why I’ve gotten so good at keeping things separate. Physical versus Relationship Talky Shit. Two separate categories to keep everything simple. Simple is awesome.
But, who am I to say that the other can’t be simple too? I’ve got friends like Mr. C and his wifey who make it look ubber easy and effortless. Shit my parents have done a pretty darn good job of juggling their multi-tasking. I know it’s possible. I know that simple also means hard work and effort. And I just realized all the horse racing analogies that are in this post. Mama’s palm must be itching. Time to hit the track folks. I suppose it’s like that right? Dating is like a day at the races. Place your bets kids and hope that your horse finishes in the Top 3 and that your odds are good, otherwise you end up holding a worthless ticket and no cashola. However, there is something to picking the long shot. I’m always gonna be Daddy’s Girl on that one.
Maybe this time I’m not the long shot…