Things have gone out of my control and I’m feeling a bit like I’m standing on a train platform watching the cars just fly by but never stop. The feeling is not something I enjoy. As things happen around me and my actions are the pointing cause I start to internalize tons of emotions while hiding the pain from those around me. Mostly the Monkey and my Mama. I greatly dislike hiding from them. But I’ve been doing it all weekend and now well into the week.
If you follow me on Twitter you’ve noticed since Saturday I have been upset with my best friend, Mr. C. I’ve gone back through and deleted some tweets because Mrs. C does follow me on Twitter (unbeknownst to me). She knew my tweets were about Mr. C and so did Nomad’s girlfriend. But as I went back and deleted tweets I checked my email and there it was. Someone I care about thought those tweets were about them. My lack of appropriate #hashtags left this person with the impression that I was in fact upset about something. When in fact I was upset with Mr. C and his judgement against my life choice with my family. It kills me because I’m an excellent #hashtag user! I #hashtag in text and GTalk messages and well everywhere. So my lack of appropriate #hashtag use caused a chain reaction of awful. A chain reaction of suck on huge levels and now I don’t know how to make it right.
Last night I finally talked to Nomad who explained that he and Mr. C had fought last week too. They argued about our not talking and how this was effecting the chosen family. We have been a source of stress for Mr. C and that isn’t fair to him. However I have never felt so judged and angry. Not even when the stucco Kings judge me have I felt this violated by someone’s judgment. But I love Mr. C for everything he has always done for me. We will make it through this one but it may take longer than usual to mend these fences and that scares me.
As for the other situation, I don’t know what to do. I’ve responded to the email with hopes that we can talk about the situation to no avail yet. I’ve talked to Mrs. C about it and well, she hopes that everything falls back into it’s place. Making things right is something I’m usually pretty good at and mostly because it comes naturally to read a situation and find a resolution that fits. But in this instance I can see why this person was bothered by my tweets and might have thought they were about them. But they weren’t and now I have several situations on my plate that I feel the weight of on my shoulders. What is truly awful is that I don’t know where to begin working on any of them. I’m holding tickets to concert for one that I bought as a surprise for Friday and a sketch for the other of his kids that would also serve as a surprise before leaving town for a bit.
Ugh. Any advice y’all have on any of the above would be helpful…