It is tough enough in this day and age of technology to get men, okay people in general, to communicate via anything beside the convenient modes. For example, text and text and oh yeah text. Okay to be fair often times email does come into play as the method for expressing oneself. However, in my dating life since getting around to it after taking a hiatus after the Monkey’s birth and my split with the Bio, I’ve noticed that things have changed in a horrendous way. Not only is texting the medium of initial communication after meeting, that’s right give a man your number and he may just text you to ask you out on your first date! The best part is when you’ve been on a few dates and you’re not really sure what the man sounds like until you’re once again in each other’s presence. You find yourself laughing at quirky little texts he sent, rather than swooning over something sexy he said to you over the phone. And the silliest thing I’ve heard from a lady friend is the excuse, well at least he’s communicating with me at all. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been in those shoes, but recently something has changed. I met a man who calls me!!
It has been a week since our first date and three weeks since we started talking, and he has called me almost every night. If he can’t call me he texts me to tell me he can’t talk that evening for whatever reason. It is the weirdest thing. I, along with the majority of my single friends have become accustomed to the status quo of communication. And that’s not okay. Not by a long shot! I’ve thought of the reasons why I settled for less than good quality communication in the past. And really they aren’t very good ones and now that I’ve had someone make the effort to call and talk to me about our days, the old stuff just won’t do.
Why is it weird? As I’ve thought about it and the past few relationships I’ve had it seems like I’ve made concessions just to see if the relationship will work out at all. That’s right I played a part in the bad communication mojo. Instead of establishing a good foundation and pushing for what I desired from my partner, I let myself fall into a pattern that wasn’t okay with me and left me feeling left out of my own relationship. So having a man put it out there that he wants to talk on the phone, and that he expects the same is just a little new-ish to me. It gives me flashbacks to those days when I had no other options. Remember answering machines? Remember racing home after class or work to see if he called?
Prior to our first date, he called me or he would text me to see if he could phone. Then on our date he put it right out there that when in a relationship he expects full communication from the person he’s dating. Umm, holy friggin’ awesomeness Batman! Color me all kinds of stoked and internal happy dance. The refreshing thing about this whole thing is that not only did he maintain his own boundaries but he set up expectations for what he hoped to get out a relationship. Holy shit. Like serious shit my friends. I am in awe.
Seriously, ladies why do we let it happen? If this man can sit in front of me, looking totes adorable and handsome and tell me what he expects than why don’t we do it more often? Fear. We’ve gotta kill the fear! Be assertive and proactive. Living without fear and expressing what we expect will save us wasteful dates (and outfit purchases) and keep us on the right track to our end game of happiness. It’s a challenge to all of my dating sisters to be communicate your expectations as early on in the relationship as you see fit.
Don’t fear being honest and don’t wait for things to change. Be the change and make it happen!
Every moment is precious and we’ve got to learn not to waste them on something that isn’t going to pan out.