Home Adulting First Date Tale: Man with Boundaries

First Date Tale: Man with Boundaries


As many of you know, I had plans last night with someone from my very distant past. And for those of you who follow me on the Twitter, you probably noted my confusion about whether or not it was a date. Well after talking to ma peeps and my Mom, I’m of the thinking that it was most certainly a date. Why the confusion?

Let’s review…

Over the last few years of dating I’ve had several first dates, and usually there is some kind of indicator that a man is interested in seeing said female again. Usually it is a physical or verbal expression that shows me that this person is interested in seeing what might happen if we proceed to the next date. I’m not used to subtle. Not at all. Last night was different. There were no hints, no clues and well being the visual and tactile learner that I am, I was left with questions in my head. Mostly, thinking was he into me? Or just looking for a reconnect moment?

I went into it knowing I hadn’t had any interaction with Mr. New Guy in almost fifteen years and that this could very well be just a hang out/catch up session with an old schoolmate. However based on our chatter on the phone and texting, I was left with a faint notion that he might be a smidgen into me. Mr. NG was nothing but polite and sweet and attentive and there were moments that I could see this being a date and moments where I thought he’s just being a good guy, and knowing that how he was raised it occurred to me this is just how he is with everyone. Of course being left with open-ended questions I had to convene the lady peeps and ask for help on this one.

So, here’s what I gathered and shared…

  • opened all doors, car included.
  • ordered for me after asking me what I chose to have for dinner.
  • wouldn’t let me pay for nada
  • bought me a very nice bottle of wine (implied we could share it at a later date)
  • took me to the movies and didn’t touch me once.
  • kissed me on the cheek at close of evening (neighbor was outside smoking when we got back to my place)
  • called me when he got home…and included invite to thing at his boss’ place next weekend.
  • texted me ‘good morning’ today

Apparently, I am have no clue what it is like to date a real honest to Jeebus gentleman. I’ve dated men with manners who are polite and open doors and put up a good show. But not since I was a yougin’ have I dated a guy who made every effort on a first date to be respectful and create his own boundaries to ensure that we had time to get to know each other. From my own recent experience there is usually a definite a lack of boundaries on first dates but I do play my own part in that one, I know that. However, having a guy create and stick to his own was a little confusing. There was no testing of limits or checking to see how much he could get away with on a first date. He simply spent time with me. Getting to know me. And that for a Mama who is always on her guard when first allowing someone into my life was a little well confusing and threw me for a little loop. I’m used to having to scout for signs that I should run as soon as my date turns his back. I felt comfortable and happy. And after talking to the Rachel, my Mom and a everyone else who would listen to my banter about the evening, I know that I overthink things and this was one of those instances when I was definitely doing just that.

With all the overthinking done now, I know I like him. I would go on a second date or just be friends. Whatever fate dictates at this point in our lives. It was the best first date I’ve been on since…I can’t even remember and that’s mostly because I’ve always had to work hard on the decoding crap on a first date. This was peaceful and nice. (well, until I almost killed it with my overthinking)


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