Last night I was talking to a girlie friend of mine who lives in the uppers of Cali who just broke up with her boyfriend of six months because he was not her happy ending. (Stop giggling Switzer!) We reviewed the post-mortem of the how and the why and it was pretty evident that she had self-diagnosed herself with Fairy Tale Syndrome (FTS).
How did she come to this conclusion? I let my jaded mouth remain closed (yay, for growth!) and was just listening to her talk and ask me questions and gather her own data. And then she blurted it out…I am destined to keep failing myself at this aren’t I?
Here’s the thing, the sooner someone with FTS realizes it the better. It is my thinking that everyone gets their own individual happy ending, but the storybook ending is just plain mythical. No one is capable of creating a life without fighting, without disagreeing and without some kind of compromise. And who wants to have a guy climb her hair (okay, rethinking this one now), live with seven little dudes or have mice make you clothes? (okay, not sure about dogging any of those things…)
In this case, my friend was admiring the relationship of another one of friend’s and managed to dissect her own relationship and all that it lacked because our good buddy and his girl have a seemingly perfect pairing. Without divulging too much, I told her their relationship is not perfect. He confides in me and not her about his challenges with his now fiance, but he knows that his love for her is something that will never fade. No matter how many times they argue about politics or who’s turn it was to make the bed and do the laundry. But, it is kinda gross when you’re out with them. They laugh, they hold hands and compliment each other with such utter sweetness it appears that they never have a moment of discord. That is the problem with FTS sufferers, they are always looking to compare their current status with the next best thing. Even if it isn’t better for them, but just different from what they have.
I’ve dated men who suffer from the condition. In fact, Mr. Nomad admits that’s why he’s never had a good relationship. He can always see the flaws in someone and wonders if there isn’t someone else who might be better suited to him and his needs. FTS does not discriminate.
Have I ever suffered from it? Maybe a time or two, I’ve noted that being with someone who didn’t have flaws of a certain nature would be awesome. But thanks to being raised by a woman who could wield a hammer as well as my Dad, I knew that fairy tales were written by the Brothers Grimm and not Mr. Disney. Every relationship is destined to have hiccups of a variety from awful to terminal. It’s how you face those hiccups and imperfections that make us stronger together (and individually) and defines a couple.
In spite of my sarcasm and often jaded nature I would still like to see if there’s a man out there who can fit into the happy ending I’ve started building…and with all that life experience, I’m helping FTS sufferers find the way back to their happy endings with a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, cause that hows Mama works it.
Hugs to all the faithful…