Jump and You’ll Fall.

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Isn’t it funny that when things are going pretty decent it’s tough to find things to write about?
Then this weekend happened. Well nothing happened actually and there in lies the problem. I’ve been trying to plan to see Mr. S since last weekend and well I’ve got nothing. I spent the entire day cleaning my house, produce shopping and cooking an amazing dinner. Being in this relationship do-over is hard. It’s something I have to remind myself I chose to do. And yet, tonight as I sit here making myself watch Eat, Pray, Love, all I want to do is get in my car and drive somewhere.

What keeps me from roaming away this weekend? It has been ages since I was home on the weekend and just enjoyed some time with me. Okay that and I’m sorta catching a cold. Bleh. But on the upside I am finding that there is something inside my soul that really did need this time solo. It is reminding me why I picked Mr. S over Mr. Nomad and even though there are tears shed on these lonely nights before I find the calm in the storm, I adore Mr. S and all that he is working to become. The truest challenge is whether or not we can grow into something together or if we will always be traveling separate roads in unison.

*sigh* Honestly, it is more work than I thought it would be. It is tougher to sit and look at adorable text messages about how I am missed or How he fucked up his days off. Two years ago we planned adventures and met up at all hours of the night and it was fun and exciting. But, with everything that seems to be going on in his career we don’t have those moments half as much as I would like. There are several people who call me crazy under their breath for taking the chance again to have my heart broken but I heart him. At this point in my life there is no point to life if I don’t take those chances and risk the potential tears and possible devouring of a whole pie, to know in my heart of hearts that I tried.And even if I fail miserably at this love or the next or the oneafter that (cross your fingers there’s no more then one) at leastI know I tried.

And with that my friends, I pour another glass of wine and see that there’s a text from Mr. Nomad who is in town for family visits and wants to run in the morning with me. Surround yourself with friends, give yourself the gifts of accepting yourself and the rest will follow. (Wowo, that sounded kind of umm, deep)

Mama Out.

God dwells within you, as you.-Proverbish thing I heard from Eat, Pray, Love

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