Last night I started cleaning out my closet. Feeling like I had carried around so much personal baggage for the last two years that my wardrobe could use with some shedding too. I started pulling out dresses and skirts I haven’t worn in years and realizing they hadn’t fit me since waaaaay before I got pregnant…like college years people, you know the I onlyate beer days. And it felt awesome. I started piling up the crap and getting it ready for the EBay store and then there it was…
Not just any dress the Vintage Wedding Dress I bought when I was seventeen in the hopes of wearing it to Prom. It’s been taking up space in every closet I’ve ever taken up space in and I’ve never actually worn it. One quiet winter evening my Mom humored me by walking into a vintage store in Santa Barbara while we were on family vacation and there it was hanging on a rack with this come hither glimmer. I loved that dress. It was this sweet Juliet type dress with a story that I made up in my head when I was just a baby with no real idea about life or Love and how bad both can scar the soul.
I sat on my bedfor a whole episode of Modern Family, and stared at the beading and the intricate pleating on the back and then I just kept running my fingers over the tags inside. Ancient in their own right. I did some research on-line and found on I. Magnin the Department Store that sold it originally, but I’m still trying to find the time period. Honestly, I felt tormented about whether to get rid of it. Half of my heart wanted to keep it, while the other half laughed at me for thinking I would need a reason to ever put that dress over my head. I guess it all goes back to the thought of the ‘M’ Word and what it really meansto me.
I’m tormented by what this dress really means to my heart. It’s a symbol of something that is long gone. That innocence and optimism that I had when I was a girl about how Happy Endings (eww, not that kind…sorry, it’s still me) come to pass.
At this point, I’m working on something bigger than that though. In our conversations last weekMr. S and I,agreed it would take something fantastic for either of us to get married…so who knows what’s in store.
So the process of all this shedding of old skins and stuff then I should get rid of this dress.