There are very few times I will admitI was wrong. To make matters worse, there are very few people who can get me to admit that I am in fact in need of some reassessing of life choices. Most of them are related to me. But for some odd reason the Rachel who has become like an adopted child to me has gotten me to open up my eyes and my heart and see the error of my ways.
Where to begin…
If you wanna go back and read the last few posts to get caught up I will wait….for those of you who know the know…enjoy sappy love music while you read my post.
Alright and we’re back. Now that you’re caught up on the whole last two months. Then you know I’ve been coming up with reasons why I shouldn’t see Mr. S whom I walked away from two years ago when words came to blows and I let my life been ruled by the stubbornness that has never served me well. Okay, short recap over.
Mr. S and I made plans to hang out and we finally did. (insert dramatic music of your choice)
There’s not much to share at this point. I finally got the moment I have dreamt aboutfor eons. Not necessarily the seeing Mr. S or the making up part, but the moment when I took down my wall and admitted to myself that it was okay to be vulnerable and unsure and scared to fail. I fell hard for Mr. S and when I fell it was during a time when I was looking for something to inspire change. My relationship at the time was mediocre in my eyes and nothing felt justified. Sadly, we were both in points in our life where we were just passing time and notenjoying living life. When Mr. S opened my eyes to what love could feel like when given by someone who would give it back without rhyme or reason, I fell out of my gosh darn seat. The only problem was neither of us were in positions to give that love. Today all that has changed. Oh and there’s been tons of therapy to boot.
And because I am not in a place where setting myself up for failure looks promising I have cancelled my subscription to my Little Black Book and commenced with thedisbanding of my personal Boy Band. My heart and soul are going into this one kids and it’s no joke. As a rule, I don’t usually set off all the good fireworks for one show but this is bigger than little old me. Honestly, if I kept all the distractions and the sideshow goodies then I wouldn’t be in a position to be honest with myself about my feelings. Feelings I have had for longer than I thought. Feelings that have kept me from seeing past my nose to spite my face.
Mr.S is a part of my life yet again…and there is so much to learn on this voyage we’re going to take together. Many conversations we need to engage in about life, liberty and the pursuit of our happiness as a unit. It’s not starting all over from the beginning or picking up where we left off (thanks be to Jeebus) and I’m good with this new development. Okay I’m kind of Giddy like a stupid school girl.