My heart is feeling a little messed up right now. I’m wading in the muck of having been okay with being the supportive non-girlfriend to being the angry beast who got ditched and undercommunicated with all friggin’ weekend. Literally, I was not pissed on Friday. My feelings on the matter were like I had evolved into some kind of amazing woman who wanted the most amazing things to happen for Mr. S and his trip to NY over the weekend to pitch his shit seemed like it was good JuJu. Even with it’s bad timing and meaning I would attend a wedding solo (more to come on that one) I felt like being supportive was the ticket. That is until I heard not single peep from Mr. S until I texted him for some kind of sign he was still alive. Cryptic and just plain annoying crap.

I’ve written about this before. I hate non-communicators and how they vanish and/or expect those around them to read minds. Truthfully, having the awesome conversation we had on Friday I had not thought this would be one of those cases of him disappearing and me wondering. Our current path has seemed like it was paved with good communication and an understanding that this was how we were to survive our past indiscretions. Apparently, I was mistaken and I havestarted to feel like I did in the past. Uninformed and out of the loop. WTF was going on? NY is a hubby bubby place and I know that being there was key to this career move, but at what point do you have NO time to send your almost-girlfriend a text to tell her how shit is going down? At what point do you expect that she just knows these things (even though you haven’t told her)? After years of training in psychic readings I’m sorry to say I have yet again failed miserably, and continue to ponder my own choice to wander down that path…maybe I should just stick with my day job?

This leap of faith and call to action I have taken is apparently all in vein? I don’t know. After this week’s cancelled lunch date and then being bailed on for the wedding and lack of communication I’m starting to feel like I should’ve not put so much stock into Mr. S until he had proven to me he was worthy of it. Or maybe I’m just feeling disconnected again and annoyed by the whole lack of chain of events.

There’s still a lot of work to be done on this one and I can see it being a tough gravel type course with lots of emo band-aids coming with it. Let’s hope I can maintain my composure I make the mad dash for some kind of truth.