Therapy is not for everyone. I know that. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the Bio will never go to therapy on his own. In fact I know he won’t even entertain the thought after yesterday’s session. In spite of the feelings he still has about our relationship and how it was ‘all my fault’ for being ’emotional and acting out of character’. (p.s. I was preggers and pretty sure my Baby Daddy was in love with someone else)
The Bio will never learn trust me, even as the Mother of the Monkey,if he doesn’t move forward away from all the awful things we experienced as a couple. Things that happened because there were two people in Love with the idea of each other and this amazing couple who truly never existed. He doesn’t understand that I have made my peace with who we weren’t and what my part was in the whole explosion that was us. It’s over. It’s gone. I’m done.
I don’t hold him responsible for the catastrophe that was us anymore. Sadly I was there too. He’s still angry and I am not.
It makes me wonder how people who spent so much time trying to loveeach can end up with such disdain for someone they once admired, adored and absolutely just couldn’t manage to view life without. And now the Bio still feels like I let him down. He hates me because he still loves me. There’s not much more to it than that really. I’ve searched overnight for some kind of light at the end of the tunnel that was these last few therapy sessions and there is nothing to take away from this. At this moment I am looking forward to living this life with my kiddo and hoping at some point the Bio will join us in the present.