I’m a lover not a fighter. And yet when someone pokes me (insert giggle) the wrong way I can’t help but react. Right? Who doesn’t defend themselves when their kicked in the butt for something they didn’t see as wrong? What’s even worse is when the butt-kicking is done via various forms of social media and communication. Am I wrong? I mean really how can you have a valid conversation with me via IM, E-mail or any other form of media that doesn’t include your voice explaining to me why you feel I wronged you in the first place.
Recently, I’ve had two people position themselves against my opinion/thoughts/views/actions via email and IM of various forms. It drives me up a wall and why I waited a bit to write this post. Even more than I hate the cold shoulder in person, I despise the act of arguing via on-line mediums. If you have a point to make, why not call me or ask to meet in person to hash it out? It just makes me feel like people who claim to be able to communicate and are open to honesty, really have no clue what that truly means and that their fear of real honesty is greater than the desire to be heard.
For example, one person who Ihad pegged as a grand communicator because of our conversations in person and on the phone, not oncespoke to me in verbal terms to expressadesire to discontinue dating. I got a DM or 15 about the how and why of it.Communication Fail.If one thing truly gets under my skin it is when peopleyou know expect you to read their minds and understand why they are upset. But even more that I can’t compute when peoplewho allegedly want to be a part of my life,make moves to expresswhat I would consider important decisions and actions on-line.It’s hiding behind something that waters down the true emotion of what is really occurring, at least in my opinion.
E-mail to me is soooo greatly misused by people who have no clue how to really face up to the reality of a situation. If you don’t know how to talk to me or how to approach me about a given situation then I can’t help make it better for both of us. I’m willing to admit if I make something uncomfortable for someone once they have pointed out and I see the error, however if said individual chooses on-line mediums to express themselves I don’t know how to respond to that. Talk is not cheap. To me it’s worth so much more than a two page email telling me you can’t be my friend because I don’t support your life choices. Or reaming me for behavior you don’t find valid or agree with…Talk to me!
Of the two people, the friend has been the only one to call me after my lack of response to her email and tell me she wrote the email in anger and it was late and she just needed to vent. Understood. Computed. Moving on with what the issues were at hand and we are still friends, but I will keep my position and be there for her if she needs me. That’s how I operate. That’s what is important to me. I can still be her friend even if she and I don’t see eye-to-eye. But out of respect she addressed her concerns with me and we are going to grow as friends and individuals from this experience. Communication Win!
My own fail is to trust in the fact that people in general who reach a certain amount of life experience have the same understanding that I do about communication. Relationships of all kind flourish and prosper with nurturing, honesty and tons of real life communication. In the future maybe I should lay that out as an expectation…?