…volver…

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There are things in my life right now that I can’t comprehend. Questions in my noggin’ that are going unanswered and unadvised because of a loss that keeps biting me in the butt. I miss my Tio Claudio. At times like this he’d give me words that made everything make sense and give me props for living my life out loud in moments I’d usually shy away from the truth in my soul. He would listen to me cry about the Bio, hear me speak about the tragedies of work, listen to my woes of co-parenting, watch me fall and get back up again…then show me the way with a strong hand and beautiful words that made everything seem less dark and gloomy. Ever since I can remember he’s been that person for me and now he’s gone. There is this giant hole in my life that will never be filled by any one person and it scares me to my core.

Honestly, I’ve made a few decision recently based on what I thought he would tell me. I’ve opened up my heart on the basis of the words he’s left in my head. ‘Don’t fear what you feel, mija. Just go with it and God will provide you with the answers’. My Tio has always been a man of great spiritual knowledge and belief, he believed that Love came from a Higher Power and fearing the prospect of it was fearing ourselves. I’m starting to see his point. I’m starting to understand that feeling isn’t a matter of just the physical (okay, still VERY important) but that at this point in my life I’m in need of that connection he found with his own wife. That bond that can bring two people together…the perfect mix of best friend and lover that ties two people forever.

I miss my Tio. I feel like these moments over the last month would have been different with him here. He would have known what to do about the crap with the Bio, he would have given perfect advice about the Crushand would have guided me through this awakening I’m experiencing in my personal and professional life. He would have had the answers that were right in front of my face and shown me my own path.

I can do this. I know I can. I just miss him…

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