Last night I had some good text with the Cowboy…and no there will be no dating or rekindling of anything with the Cowboy, but he did give me shit for my Crush and my recent posts about letting dating go and also about Holding Out. That’s right folks I’ve got something new to Overthink. Am I really Holding Out? And what the heck does that even mean? So, I called Kali the Personal Trainer who saved my ass more than one time while we spent time as Lions and she gave me some interesting wisdom…

What is Holding Out? According to the newly donned Life Coach, Madame Kali, it’s taking yourself off the market and waiting for something unrealistic to just fall in your lap. Hmm, okay that sounds stupid.

• I’ve done this in the past she pointed out, but not in the same way. Apparently I did this with the Bio…waiting for him to see the Grass was just fine on our side of the fence was also Holding Out. Silly Me!!

How does this Holding Out theory apply now? I’ve been informed my current voyage to find a guy who loves me for my silly quirks and out of this world charm and superhuman abilities is well borderline delusional. Umm, WTF???

• While I heart Kali for her brutal honesty this was kind of jarring!! I mean I’m delusional for wanting to be loved or for hoping that someone with certain qualities I adore might find me the least bit appealing when our paths cross? Is that too much to ask for? At a certain point as a Single Woman do you just have to realize that it’s done and what you’re looking for isn’t realistic? I don’t think so. But Kali thinks that at a certain point you need to stop dreaming like a 16-year old and get with the reality that no guy out there is going to meet my standards I’ve newly created. Umm, what if he exists and just doesn’t know I do? Hmm, maybe she’s got a point somewhere…

What’s the point of Holding Out? According to the Kalster, I am going to end up alone and just where I was when I left the Bio…and for those of you just joining the program already in progress that means…Sad, Alone, Untrusting and Weepy. Umm, Boo!

• I think it takes a certain type of person to throw in the towel and just let things fall away without any expectations for happiness. And yes, Kali I think you’re that kinda girl. I heart you but you’re that girl. I’m not going to give up now. I’ve seen what I want. I’ve honestly viewed it in action and whether it comes in different packaging or if I have to wait years for someone who respects, loves me and also wants my friggin’ bootie around all the time to show up in my life then so-friggin’-be-it!!

There are certain things I will ask of my Kali…and certain things I will not. She’s a bitchin’ trainer and she’s a Rockstar Lifer Friend of mine…but she’s not the best at understanding Love Struck Dipshits like me. Am I Holding Out? I guess I am in a way…for what? I dunno, maybe just for a shot at something that doesn’t make me want to rip my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs in a bad way. Maybe I’m Holding Out for something that I’m never going to get. There’s a good chance I am delusional and silly and this portion of the Hold Out will leave me sad again, but my heart and soul don’t see it that way. I have faith today in Love. Ask me tomorrow and it could be totally different.