Home Mom Stuff Co-Parenting the Gifter: Can’t Buy Me Love

the Gifter: Can’t Buy Me Love


Once upon a time there was a thought in this girl’s head that it’d be nice to have someone take care of me. You know thewholeKnight inShining, blah, blah, blah.Now from where I sit that just doesn’t sound like any fun…not that I couldn’t stand to have someone clean my bathroom…however, I’ve gotten used this little thing called freedom.

Yes, I know we’ve covered this topic. But at lunch today Rachel and I were talking about MK..a mini-recap if you will on our thoughts and feelings about what the Hell his deal is at this point. Perfect. And it provided me a mini-distraction from my current growing Crush. *sigh* Well there was not actual prognosis at this point, but we did explore an interesting topic via the past events between me and MK. I bring you the Gifter!!

What is a Gifter? Let me break it down.

Over the last two months of knowing MK he has bought me more stuff and done more things for me than the Bio ever did for me in the last 21 years of knowing him. Awful, right? For sure it is. But this got us to thinking about Men (and I’m sure there’s women) who are so emotionally and physically unavailable that they Give in replacement of those relationship staples. For example, ‘I’m sorry I missed our date this weekend, here’s a diamond tennis bracelet to make it up to you’…okay, I embellished a little for story telling purposes. But you get the idea. A person who replaces the base needs with pricey or not so pricey objects to divert the attention away from the lack of support and care and to shed the focus on what a ‘great guy he is’ for making it ‘up to me’. Or my favorite thought, ‘at least he was thinking of me’. Sure he was thinking of you long enough to realize you were gonna be pissed and that he had done something wrong by avoiding actually being involved in the relationship to stop and buy you something at Bloomie’s. Or in my case Nordstrom. *pausing to catch typing fingers breath*


What’s the point you ask? Some people are perfectly happy with that kind of relationship. Not having to do the work to be in front of someone and work at getting involved. And wow good for you, but I am selfish I guess. I want the Man (yes, Man…not boy) to be in front of me, next to me or in the kitchen preferably making an effort to be apart of my friggin’ day. Instead of thinking of me long enough to buy a stupid Red Dress, he could have been jumping on a Virgin America flight from John Wayne and spending the evening with me playing Canadian Roshambo (sp?) Right? Damn straight! And here is where is gets tricky. For sure, I love it when someone is walking down the street or somewhere random and sees something that reminds them of me. Who doesn’t love that kind of thought? And while that falls into the gifting realm it isn’t buying love. It isn’t filling a void with a vacant promise to be there next time or make it up when they can. It’s being thoughtful and caring and just a part of something simply awesome. (Haha. Now every time I think or say ‘awesome’ I giggle a smidgen…thanks BBG). Is that too much to ask? I really don’t think it is at all.

In past relationships I’ve always been the planner. The one who says, ‘it’d be nice to get away for the weekend’ and then plan (and pay for) the whole thing. But that is all gonna change my friends. Okay not that I’ve got anyone to go away with except for Rachel at this point (Woot to the 4th) but you get it. There’s gotta be a guy out there who wants to be around me long enough to think it’d be great to plan a weekend, day trip or even just a few hours at some friggin’ museum with a cool Japanese art exhibit in Pasadena. (btw I have no plans this weekend — in case you’re reading this and wanna hang out — and can read minds for that matter). Jeepers that kinda started to sound like a pity party. Oops. Back on the track…so yeah, I don’t think it’s too much to be looking for at this point. I’m not ever going to be okay with someone who thinks they can buy my affections and I’m not going to ever again be the girl who is living on the other side of that street. Done.

So then, where does this leave us? I dunno. I’m evaluating me right now and that’s good. At some point I’m sure someone will come along who makes sense to me and doesn’t raise so many questions or leave me feeling so open-ended. (Umm, that sounds kinda bad…doesn’t it?)

Until then ladies…and gentlemen…are they any Gifters? Or Gifter Lovers out there? Don’t be shy, I won’t judge.


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