Happy Thursday!

Since the NBA Finals are over and most of my shows are in that lame Summer hiatus stuff I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately. And tonight Serendipity. OMG. What the heck is wrong with me?

Back in the 20’s I used to associate every movie with someone or something in my life. And really it felt like it made sense…no, really it did. You know that movie Love & Sex? That was supposed to be me and Mr. P…known in the office as Porno Pete only because that’s how I see him now. But that moviewas allegedly us. Two people entirely wrong for each other in odd relationships and looking for an exit strategy…but life isn’t like the movies. People get hurt and life moves on and forward and there’s nothing amusing about it.

Serendipity…a propensity for making fortuitous discoveries while looking for something unrelated…(thanks Wikipedia)

That’s how I feel lately, as though I’m making tons of amazing discoveries about the world around me and those that inhabit it with me while I was looking for something totally in another realm. And yet with all the fantastic things I’m unearthing I feel like I’ve got no one to share them with at this point. No matter how much I’m learning there are still walls to push back against me. Maybe it’s not a bad thing but it’s challenging. I figured at some point something would give. I’d get a break of some kind when it came to certain things.

This movie used to make me all warm and fuzzy. Not just because John Cusack is in it…but because the thought of meeting someone and having them be your soul mate no matter what the distance or circumstance used to seem like something…I dunno HUGE.

Serendipity. It was chance and recklessness. It was beautiful and dangerous. In my head, I had visions of the cloudy dark figured man who would marry me after finding me to be flawless. A momentary encounter and this tall, dark and handsome Man would be just mine. *sigh* Well all the candidates that have come and gone have never created the deep and provocative feelings that I always imagined would come when I met the one.

Nowwatching this movie as a grown woman who has been party to several disappointments and tons of failed relationship attempts I can’t see thejoy in this film. Would there ever be someone in real life that would inspire someone to fly across the countryon a hope and chance that some random guy would still be looking for that one girl? Something in my core says, sure…maybe. I have faith that Love is out there somewhere. Lurking around some dark anddesperate corner, waiting to spring on me when I least expect. And this movie that I chose for it’s primary function of making me feel that possibility is just wanting to make me throw a rock at the TV.

Maybe it’s because I’m missing something right now. Andit doesn’t make much sense to me at all…small things make the biggest impact on me. I’m a details girl.I’m a planner to certain extent. I love the little things and this little thing mademe smile and nowI dunno. Don’t get me wrong! I’m still all Pro-Loveand crap. But there’s something aboutthis moment that is driving me bonkers in the noggin’.

What if you find them? What if they aren’t looking for you? Whatthen? How do you move forward when there is this immense and deepdesire for theSerendipitous moment to linger…but really there was no moment. It was just amovement of two people in time and space that meant nothing for the future. Just one of those things. A momentary glitch in the Love Operating System…

Serendipity….it might exist. It might live and breath with all of us as we move through moment after moment. And then again it might just be a word.

Holy cow. What a downer am I tonight? And with that I bid you goodnight.