I’ve had three people in the last few days talk to me about my ‘situation’. And by ‘situation’ they mean being a single Mama. I don’t really think of it as a ‘situation’ more than I think of it as a ‘second chance’. While that new leaf I’ve turned over since March 2006 has been filled with many hurdles I don’t understand why people find it sooo gosh darn fascinating.
There is nothing glamorous about filling out paperwork to make sure the Child Support for your Monkey doesn’t go away. There is nothing intriguing about knowing that rather than take the road most logical that the Bio will always file for something before talking to me about this stuff. Trust me it’s no fun to think about what the future might hold when you’re connected to someone who doesn’t see the Big Picture for minimum 18 years. Honestly, I’m not complaining. I’ve gotten used to this portion of being a single Mama. It’s not fun but I got this. For reals.
Honestly, the thing that made me laugh out loud was ‘how do you satisfy, your, you know…urges’? Umm, really? We are grown women and while I’m not a Sexy Guru, I will leave that to Suztoys…haha! Seriously, check her shit out! But I digress. Okay, so just cause I’m a single Mama doesn’t mean that a)I’m at the end of Easy Street(get my drift) or b) that myLady Parts have frozen up and died. It was hilarious to hear what she goes through to get herHubby to show her the Money, and no they don’t have kids to worry about waking up. But she was serious, she’s not happy. And this led us to a whole other conversation…no, she didn’t hit on me. But we talked about the Birds and the Bees and what Mama does to maintain, umm and not go totally nutzo.*giggling* A girl has needs damn it!!
This led to a very in depth Q&A about the facts of doing it alone (for the most part that’s how I feel). Not sex…raising a kiddo…dirty birds!!! Okay, we talked a little about the joy of Solo Love. But,I’ve always thought about myself as a woman who made a choice to better my life and get away from a toxic situation. I had never heard of being a Choice Mom or any of the other terminology at the point when I left four years ago. So, it helped me to read other blogs and learn and then just as this convo was occurring my phone dinged and this post came through on my email from my dear friend Not Your Average Single Mama. And it was a perfect way for our conversation to evolve and grow and I’ve got her doing research and making solid choices before she makes a decision based on her sadness. And we all know how well that always works out…fast forward to me adding another year to the 20 years I’ve known the Bio. Her original thinking is to have a baby and if that just doesn’t change their marriage then to bail…umm, yikes!! Her new thinking…learn more! Learn more about her marriage to her husband and learn more about herself before she throws in the towel on her very new life with a Man who is pretty darn cool other than the libido stuff. I mean there’s tons of reasons Men don’t shag as much that aren’t related to the woman (or women) in their lives…right? I dunno.
There are two sides to every coin. There’s a good reason that some Mom’s choose to be Choice Mom’s and there are really good reasons that Mom’s like me leave bad (or worse) relationships to raise a child.It’s all about making informed and solid choices for everyone involved…right?For me it was about taking stock in how this life choice would ultimately affect my child and looking at the alternatives. And this one suited me just fine and does still today even with all the heartache that has come with it for me.
It’s not up to me if she leaves her marriage and it’s not up to me if she has a baby and bails on her hubby…it is up to me to be a friend and choose to be there for her if she needs someone to bounce ideas back and forth. Crap it’s the least I can do…