Co-parenting and dating is tough. Leaving yourself open enough to be a part of someone else’s life while still managing your own is weird. Then trying to figure out how to meld the two is even stranger. I’m used to being on my own at this point in my life. I’m really okay with the daily grind that the Monkey and I have created. With that being said, it’s even stranger to meet someone who has the same priorities as I do…and then when that person goes through something deep and personally challenging it’s tough to gauge how to react. Right? Even in every day dating sans Monkeys it’s hard to manage.
Well the point where I’m at is odd and yet I’m starting to know that freaking out about it won’t help. MK has been experiencing some custody challenges with his Baby Mam and really needs to focus on that. I respect that. There is a good chance he will end up with full custody of his Princess and I applaud that he is more than willing to do it. He is scared. I respect that too. There are huge changes happening that he knew in the back of his mind might come and now the reality is terrifying. He’s shut me out. I respect that too…kinda. While it sounds much more harsh than it is, he’s asked me to give him some time to get through this week and the next while everything falls into place. The Princess is not your ordinary little girl in the sense that she is wiser then here years and knows what the reality is and has been prepping for it internally. She’s wicked smart and super mature. I heart her.
Sooo, what does that really mean? I’ve not heard from him since Monday when he emailed me to apologize for his mini-freak out and that if I was still interested in coming to hang with him in his hood in two weeks we can make that happen. And while I’m totally down for that I keep thinking about how this will play out. Will we be constantly in a time suck dealing with our incapable of co-parenting exes? Maybe. I dunno. For me and the Bio there’s a good chance he will never see me as more than just the person he was in a relationship with that ended terribly (several times) and now just happens to be the Mother of his child who he has no respect for and treats poorly. For MK…I dunno what the road will hold but I heart him and hope it holds something awesome.
There is a lot of anxiety this last couple of weeks coming from the Bio and it’s driving me up a wall. I could speculate that it involves his anger with the County processing a new case to consolidate our current twochild support cases on file. And of course in some way it’s my fault so let’s blame the Mama. Blarg. (my version of Blog Barfing).
Oh and recently I posted about Mr. San Diego…here and here. While I agreed with Jolene that I shouldn’t revisit the past there is something nagging at me. He’s always there when I need him. I’ve not yet told him about my MK issues but he’s been in constant contact and knows something is up with me. Rachel and I are planning a trip down to San Diego for the 4th weekend since I am Monkey-less and have Monday OFF!! So in a few short weeks I will see Mr. SD and with what purpose? I dunno. Rachel and I have been going over this for weeks!! I heart him. I actually do care about him like tons. So what does it all mean?!?!?!
I’m at a crossroads. I’m stuck in a rut. Who wants to join me and/or pull me out of this crossroadsy-rut I’m in??