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Jump the Line


There have been men folk in my life who I have thought were the Great Love of my life and then sadly some kind of smash-bang-boom occured and the end came. Thus destroying the possibility of that Great Love fantasy. Boo!! Alas enter the dreaded word…Dealbreaker.

Every so often there is the re-entry of the One who I push away repeatedly. He’s sweet and sarcastic. He adores me for every little thing about me. He is basically the Ideal candidate for loving the Mama. Truly I adore him. I do. And here comes the other dreaded word…BUT there’s a Dealbreaker I have not ever been able to get past. I won’t share entirely but it involves a hobby, I can’t approve of because I AM A Mama. It’s not strippers or porn or something silly like that because I get that hobby. Don’t necessarily appreciate it but I get it. Men are visual learners, end of story and it’s kind of cute now that I’m older and get it.

In a time when women are again looking for their ‘Happy Ending’ with or without a man, I wonder what lines we should or shouldn’t cross for love…or to be loved by someone unique? In my circumstances today, as a Mama, there are lines I draw to keep my son’s life happy and healthy and as drama-free as possible. And yet comprimising my own desires and needs doesn’t seem like that large of a sacrifice for the greater good of my future world and the little man in my life, I wonder if I’m being extreme in my line drawing?

I’ve walked away from guys who ‘seemed’ to have it all wrapped up just because there were aspects of their lifestyle and/or thinking didn’t mesh with my ideal pursuit of the Man who would share in my little family. This one in particular I cruised away from when I realized that my driving 300 miles back and forth to see him was not productive for me (and the kiddo) and on top of that his hobby of choice would impact my own personal lifestyle choice. Oh and I think MySpace was involved in some way, but I digress. I’m the first person in the room to tell a girlfriend it’s better to know that people are inherently good but don’t expect them to change for you. It’s just not healthy, in my opinion, for people to have to fit into cookie cutter imprints designed by a prospective mate. And so I remain single and smirking at every text that comes across from this former-Almost-Great-Love in my life and know that deep in my heart he’s there wading through all the mish-mash of adoration but I don’t see Me making the step to accept his hobby, nor do I see him changing for Me and I don’t want him. Admittedly, it would be a whole different ball of waxy goodness if I was not the LiL’Devil Mama…but I am and the Love of my Life (aka the Monkey) comes before all others.

What lines should we draw, erase or cross to be loved and to love?


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