After my last post and the previous one about being a shallow Mama I’ve done some recon work on my dating habits…and tons of chatting with Mr. Office Friend (best I can do and I refuse to call him Broken Butt Guy) and Ms. Office mate, I’ve decided I just can’t do it. I will not meet Mr. N (nor will I translate what that name really means).
Yes, everyone deserves a chance at love but not necessarily with me. It’s sad to a point but I’ve been here before. The recovering addict, the not-so-recovering-hobby-guy, the flip-flop-wearer (aka Mountain Man), the triathlete who was late to our date because he had to finish his training, HSD and of course there are SO many others! I’ve allowed myself to date Men based on ‘giving them a chance’. Everyone deserves an opportunity at love, right? Okay yes they do but at the expense of my integrity and joy…NO, damn it not this time. I was hedging on meeting up with this guy who I’m not even really into because I don’t want to be too shallow and not be nice. I can’t keep being the Social Worker of dating and giving every last Man without a Woman a chance at love in spite of mixed emotions and misgivings.
Do I feel bad? Is this a mistake? Not this time my friends. No, not this time. I think it’s freeing that I am making this choice. Based on my past misery and the future I desire it’s a valid choice and I’m making it for me. Not for someone else and not to appease the random friend God’s who think I’m not ‘as deep as they thought’. And yes I am shallow. So there. Bah on those who think they are not. I want to be attracted instantaneously to the man I’m dating and that is not wrong! Jeepers.
If I’m just not feeling it then I need to address that in the beginning and not wait around for some bigger reason to break the heart of a would be Love. Better to spare everyone the heartache and panic attacks that go along with that kind of dating. It’s painful and stressful and no one is left feeling good about anything. And someone ends up sad and alone and how is that fair? It’s not, duh.
Alright I’m done venting…I feel better.