…the Single Married Mama…


My head wraps around this topic like a wet towel…it makes me feel soggy and sad. This last weekend I attempted to make friends at the Monkey’s Saturday a.m. Tae Kwon Do class. Very few Papa’s show up for this early morning excursion (not even the Bio came this time) and I found myself sitting next to the one Mama who clapped and cheered for her kiddo…I do it like a spazz.

Exchanging the details of our kiddos…age, rank and serial number…we started chatting. About 3-Year olds, early Saturdays and living in the SCV. Then she asked where his Dad was…since he came last time. And so the beginning of the Single Mama divulge session began. In about ten seconds, I was able to apprise her of the whole dirty story in two short sentences…’Not sure. We aren’t together.’ Then came the knowing glance, not sympathy or the ‘OH’ Look I sometimes get, but more along the lines of ‘I feel ya sister’.

Then she said it…’Even with a husband I feel like a Single Mom’. Jeepers. A can of worms I opened. She asked me questions…

  • When did you leave?
  • Why did you leave?
  • How did you feel?
  • Has it impacted your Monkey?
  • What would you change?
  • How did you make it through?

As overwhelming as it was, I saw in her eyes the wildness I felt in my heart when I was still with the Bio. I could hear the wheels in her head turning and it made me want to hug her and say outloud, ‘YOU will be OKAY’. So I did. I told her ‘It will be okay’ and ‘I am here if you need someone to talk’. Words no one said to me in the depths of my confusion and despair.

Not every relationship that experiences strangely timed hiatus periods ends in divorce. There are people I know have fought tooth and nail to keep their marriages/relationships together. Bloody knuckles and all I finally couldn’t do it anymore. I tried. I held on tight until the last thread in our relationship rope was dwindled to nothing. This is not new. Mama’s (and Papa’s) have been living this for decades…fighting the good fight until no one is left standing.

I wonder…How many people find themselves being that person in a marriage (or non-marriage)? Being the Single Parent until actually being a Single Parent is what makes more sense.

Thoughts? Experience?


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