the Holy Sweater

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In November 2007, I moved home. I packed what I had that was truly mine from the home I shared with the Bio and set up house for me and the then 3.5 month old Monkey, under my parents roof. I had no furniture of my own…no bed, no dresser and nothing of true value…and I had very little along the lines of clothes that fit my post-baby body.

I was in one of the phases of grieving and so tired. Suddenly, I was this new woman and on this new path I had no clue who I would be besides the Mama of this amazing little survivor. 8-weeks early and 3lbs 4oz…and growing.

It was then that my sister brought me a bunch of stuff from her closet…a ritual we perform for each other at the end of a season or beginning. At the time I was no where near fitting into most of it, but it was the sweaters that I looked at and took a deep breath filled with relief. My sister, younger than me by almost four years and I have the same taste in sweaters. Comfy and cozy. And for the winter ahead of us I needed them.

My winters since then have been marked by the ceremonial Tupperware container shuffling to find those sweaters and one in particular. The Holy Sweater. It has been one of my top three favorites home sweaters since 2007. I wear it to cook, clean, cuddle and sleep some nights when it’s nippy enough…I love that sweater as much as anyone can love an item of clothing. It was the first sweater that I picked from that pile of stuff my sister brought for me to sort through and it’s been there for me through so many tear-filled nights and days. I think I was wearing it the first time the Bio served me with custody papers…it’s my essential piece of comfort clothing.

I even mourned the untimely loss of the sweater belt that went with it…

Just the other day, when the rain started to pour in Sunny So Cal, I made the ceremonial event of pulling out the sweaters and the coats and finding thermals. Out came my sweater and I hugged it like someone does an old friend…it was a hug filled with relief and comfort.

My Monkey is the only person who has pointed out that it has a giant hole under the left arm and has thereby dubbed it the ‘Holy Sweater’.

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