I’ve been musing over what to write the last six days…
Last week was therapy with the Bio and it went worse than I ever could have imagined. I posed the question had been looming in my head for two weeks…’Can we work together on a parenting plan?’ And just as I had feared, the Bio who I had started this whole process came out. The claws, the anger, the nasty words and worst of all the accusation that this was all my fault. Really?
The way I see it, is we made grown up choices. WE decided not be a couple anymore. WE decided to live apart. Not like one person is to blame or should take the fall for the whole thing. I have dealt with my issues of how he yo-yo-ed me in and out of his life even before I was preggers with our Monkey. I’ve worked on those details and I’ve cried and I’ve cursed him on sleepless nights when I couldn’t figure out why I still missed him…I’ve done my work.
Now today, all I want to peace of mind that the person who fathered my child will do the same work to be his Daddy and not just his father who thinks he has rights to time with him because he donated to the cause of creation. I am afraid that he will always be stuck in the past and not look toward the beautiful future we could build as co-parents to our amazing little person.
The most painful words he said last week were something about jumping through ‘hoops’ the court put in front of him to get to what he ‘deserved’. Honestly, I have put my heart on the line and on the table again through this therapy. I have given it my all and to him this was just hoops to jump through…a means to an end…and for what? This is not a contest, this is not game and this is not a battle of the wills…this is our son’s life.
I will be sad about this and once our last session is over, I will be waiting for the new paperwork he’s already prepared to be delivered.