Seven years ago I announced to the man I loved that I was probably not ‘the marrying kind’. Was it because I didn’t want to get married or because I knew his own fear of marriage that was lurking deep down? I knew his history with love and heartbreak. I knew how much he questioned the value of a ring and paper because of his own childhood.
Today, I look at all the dating sites and the matches and I am looking for someone not to concede to, but to partner with. Someone who wants what I want…a family. A life to share with each other based on common desires. Not to shuffle my priorities to fit someone else. And not concede.
Right now in this moment, I want to get married…not with a big fluffy dress and silly roses. I want to stand in simplicity in front of the people who love me and vow to be the best partner I can be…it’s a daydream…it’s a desire that rocks me to my core. I’ve survived on denial my whole adult like just to get by and make other people happy.
I have everything I want…my son, my parents, my sister…my family. But, this cake could use some icing.