I had therapy today on my lunch break…but, this time it was with the Bio. We’ve done this before, but because it didn’t serve his purpose he cut it out of the routine. Basically, I ticked him off because I didn’t think our Monkey was ready for overnights. While many may disagree, I know my son and I follow my Mommy instincts. So, in true Bio fashion he cut me out too. No verbal communication…just e-mail.
Well, now we’ve been ordered by the court and I couldn’t be happier. It’s the only way I get him to be honest and share…but, six sessions is not nearly enough to get us where we NEED to be for our son’s sake. Today felt like a verbal beating and I’m emotionally exhausted by the whole thing.
I cried when I got back to work.
For me individual therapy has been a blessing…it’s helped me close the door and the leftover feelings that kept peaking out from behind my sheltered heart. Today, I look at the man I once was SO in love with and all I see is a person…the father of my son. Not the man who used to buy me Sour Patch Kids on his way home from work or the man who looked for buttons to add to my collection at every lame store that he crossed paths with, and definitely not the guy who I used to watch Invader Zim with at 2am. But, I love him because he is the father of my amazing son.
How does one stay so angry about things that happened over 2 years ago? I don’t blame him for anything that happened…it was just one of those things we couldn’t fix. It ended. I’m Happy today. I’m happy with my life and the love that it provides me. But, today I felt like I needed to build that wall up again and hide from the anger clouds that were coming from the other side of the couch.
I don’t want to hide anymore.
I thank the Higher Power in my life that I’m here and present for this life. I just want to live in the present and therapy took me down a path to the past that I had chosen to close the door on. I suppose it’s the only way to get back to the present and build a successful future…