Space. I’ve talked about it before. Written about how I had hoarded it and kept it just for myself. But more and more I find myself loving sorta sharing the space I call home with the Boyfriend. I started the epic task of cleaning out my closet of clothes, memorabilia and just plain old crap. It has started an amazing physical purging of junk and spiritual purging and by spiritual I don’t mean knee-walking to an alter or anything, I just mean letting go off old feelings, emotions and anything that’s just been laying around my Juju.
With the Boyfriend being around I’ve started to say things like our house or when we get home or missing him even when he’s at his place for just a night. Waking up in the night to reach out for a cuddle and he’s not there leaves me sighing. Here’s the thing…the Boyfriend has become a huge part of our daily routine with me and the Monkey. We get home and they have their daily recaps of what happened at school, then the tokens for behavior are either passed our or relinquished. We co-parent the Monkey in a way I had hoped would eventually be possible with someone. He is the ying to my yang when it comes to approaching certain situations of which he knows what I’m talking about…it flows. Winning.
My space is not big. There isn’t a lot of it to spare with all my crap taking up the parts of it that I felt I needed to fill it with to make it feel cozy and warm and home. So begins the purging. Dumping all the stuff I don’t need or the things I have held onto in order to not let go of past pieces of me that I no longer need. It’s healthy. It’s necessary. And gosh darn it I have a lot of clothes I haven’t worn in like forever.This last week I went through tons of stuff. Moved boxes and made piles of bags of old clothes of mine and the Monkey’s and starting getting rid of things that just seemed to be lingering.
In reality we need more space than this. I know it. But the shedding of this stuff is worth it even if it’s just to realize that my life is moving into a new phase that is full of awesome. Seeing the Boyfriend’s stuff in the bathroom and in the closet and in the hamper, makes my heart fill with so much overwhelming effin’ joy that I can’t contain it most days. I don’t know if he knows it. Maybe he does. I hope he does.I knew some day this feeling would happen and it would be with an honest and open heart and with someone who does not just amazing things for me but loves me without conditions on who I am.
These posts are just going to continue to get sappier and sappier…I make no apologies.