Home Adulting Musings Answering Emails…

Answering Emails…


Honestly, I have been writing this post for like two weeks. Since the day after my birthday I have been working on writing about how awesome it was to celebrate my birthday this year. But I have been uber busy with working the new job and trying to keep up with life in general. Then I got an email. An email from a bloggey reader who had a dilemma. And so when I read and re-read her email about how she feels like her current relationship is filled with judgement and distrust, I knew I had to jump on the blog and write it out.

Here’s the thing…

Back in the day, my thoughts would have been, maybe it’s a phase and it will pass. But today, I call bullshit on twenty-four year old me. If you are in a relationship that you know feel is filled with judgement and distrust then it either needs work or it needs to end. Depending on where those feeling initially came from truly depends on how you deal with the whole thing. Was their cheating? Deceit? Is their a good reason for the feelings? Like he/she admitted to cheating and therefore you know for a fact. There is evidence of wrong doing that gives you a good reason for the feelings. I’m all about the proof is in the pudding. No proof. No pudding.

If you have never had that feeling of relationship continuity that every couple should feel at the start, then I’m gonna venture to say, it was over before it began. Relationships in my opinion should always start out roses and with a major bang fest (appropriately timed of course) and all doubt should be reserved for things like, I don’t know if I like that couch or I’m not sure how I feel about eating Indian food tonight…ya know, minor stuff. Not things like…I don’t know if half of my boyfriend Facebook friends are prostitutes he bangs when I’m traveling for work. Not okay my friends. Not okay. Disagreements are fine. Dang it, the Boyfriend and I do it and I find that it teaches us more about each other and how well we work together to learn and grown.

I am not perfect and he’s knows it and vice versa. But, jeebus damn if we aren’t amazeballs when it comes to this couple stuff. In past relationships I have made what I call Concessions of Self. Looking at my personality and finding flaws that the other person sees and dislikes and tucking them under my pillow so he can’t see them. While it is totally normal to make concessions in relationships, it is never okay to squish down your feelings, opinions or beliefs for anyone. Relationships are full of moments when the earth will shake and arguments will pop up and spill over into the happiness. But, changing who you feel comfortable being every day should never happen. Never. Never. Say it with me…NEVER!

There are moments when I think this is crazy, how could someone adore me as much as the Boyfriend does. And then, I realize that he has seen the real me and that he loves me for who I am. The honest to goodness real deal me. It’s good stuff. (insert shit eating grin here)

So to this bloggity babe I say, sit down and have a conversation with your Dude (insert laughter from the Boyfriend because I always say “let’s have a conversation”) about how you’ve been feeling and why you feel that way. Ask him if there’s something going on with him that he’s not divulging. His reaction will be your answer. True facts. Even if it turns into a fight at least you will know where you stand and what your future is going to be together.

Living in fear of being alone is the worst thing anyone can do to themselves. Be strong and be proud of being you and find someone who values the person you want to be. End of story.


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