Lessons in Love and Dry Humping

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When you are friends with a couple often hilarity ensues when things go awry. Imagine if you will an evening like any other. Hanging out with friends. Enjoying music. Eating good food. And then it happens. A joke turns into a jab and jab into a sucker punch and a sucker punch into a full out War of the Roses.

Here’s the long and short of it. As we gathered on Sunday to celebrate life and remember two of my very good friends who have been dating now for about a year began to poke at me for not bringing my Boyfriend. While I explained the details my explanation turned into the two them bringing out their heated underlying issue. My friend who I will call Marty McNonFly went to a pretty decent sized Hollywood Partay for some schmoozing. His job working for some talent agency where his is basically a badly paid PA keeps him extremely busy fetching his bosses coffee and setting up his weekly Hit-It-and-Quit-It appointments. While at said party, Marty met a hot aspiring actress who’s resume includes a Pamprin commercial and being the back of someone’s head in a TV show. Said actress was hot for Marty and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

As the night wore on, he avoided her like mad while he waited for his LuLu (the girlfriend) to show up. LuLu didn’t show cause she well has an important job saving people’s lives. As the night flew by aforementioned actress decided that she would have Marty at all costs. Eventually she attacked him on the dance floor and did what has been described as Dry Humping his leg until it had babies of it’s own.

Fast forward to coffee out with friends. Marty’s phone rings. He asks LuLu to answer it while he gets their coffee’s from the bar, cause he’s expecting a call from his brother. To LuLu’s surprise it is a woman claiming, “Hey you. It’s me the girl you humped at the party”. I will give you all a moment to gasp and regroup. Did Marty in fact give said girl his number? I believe him when he says, he did not. I believe him that he didn’t intentionally hump the girl on the dance floor. He’s just not that guy. However, I do find it utterly amusing that he has made up as many stories as he can think of to get LuLu to let it go.

  • I was only nice to her cause I thought she was someone important.
  • Honestly, I thought it was like a flash mob thing.
  • There’s a group of actresses that does that kinda thing I didn’t think she was nuts.
  • She looked like that chick you know, I thought it was a joke.

The really hilarious part is LuLu knows her man. She knows she is his one and only. She isn’t tormenting him, but he is tormenting himself. She pokes at him when he pokes at himself. They are awesomesauce together. And it gives me hope. While it is hilarious to get the phone calls and texts from both of them about each other…asking me for advice on what to do. And how not to break it. Truthfully, they don’t need me to help but it sure does feel good to know that I can pretend to guide them in the right direction.

Mama’s advice on this one…? Love the one’s your with. -Stephen Stills

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