Last night the Monkey had to sleep in my bed because I was too exhausted to put all his furniture back in his room. Every night before he goes to bed we talk about the day while we listen to music and sometimes I tell him stories about whatever randomness comes in our minds. But last nights discussion made me smile and feel like the Monkey and I are on the same page.
For the last year the Monkey and I have struggled with the balancing of what the Bio means in both our lives. Since he started pre-school there were obvious questions of why Daddy didn’t live in our house. He volleyed back and forth between wanting the Bio to live with us and wanting to never see him again. This of course came as a natural progression of the events that brought us our independence. Since we moved out on our own it was difficult for both of us to adjust to our new freedom. Mama has adjusted to getting out and how to balance social and Mama-life and then the Monkey has missed living with my folks and all the perks that come with that party. But, as time has progressed and with more questions about why Mommy and Daddy don’t have one house I have started to see a change. The Monkey wants a family of his own.
I’ve always thought that eventually I would meet someone and we could have more offspring but I always feared how that might effect the Monkey and our current bond. We party like rockstars and hit the town just the two of us and we are wicked good at it. But as the Monkey gets older he is more aware of family and what that means. Last night as we lay in my bed and watched the fan twirl on the ceiling he said to me,
- Monkey: Mommy I want a baby brother
- Me: Oh yeah, how come?
- Monkey: Cause when you have brothers you have someone to take care of all day.
- Me: Yeah but being a big brother is hard work. Harder than taking care of Blue Clownfish.
- Monkey: I know. *sigh*
- Me: Why the sigh little man?
- Monkey: I want a baby brother so I can name him Super Baby and he can wear a cape and we can watch football together.
- Me: That sounds awesome. But Mommy can’t just make a baby on her own.
- Monkey: Right so we need to go to the store and get you a Daddy. So then you can buy a baby for me.
- Me: Okay sounds like a plan. Maybe for my birthday or Christmas?
- Monkey: Oh man, I have to wait that long?? Fine.
As the Monkey drifted off to sleep I couldn’t help but giggle to myself. The little man has no idea what he’s really asking for or what he’s in for when it comes to siblings and babies and the work that goes into that whole thing. I adore how eager he is to have something different in his life. It feels like we are both growing up and out of the thought process that it would always only be me and him. And honestly, that feels amazing deep down in my heart. I suppose it’s the natural progression of things. At his age I was expecting my own little sister and had been asking for her for a long time. Now with his fifth birthday looming a couple weeks and our introduction of a new pet into our life for that occasion I’m feeling something changing in our lives. Good stuff is coming with all the new things going on in our lives and I’m looking forward to whatever comes from it.
Now all I have to do is manage to find a healthy balance and move away from being the single Mama I’m used to being and move into being the single Mama with a boyfriend and a job and friends who are all wicked amazing. This is proving to be tough for me. I’m so used to being on my own and not having people in my life who were constants (with the exception of Mr. & Mrs. C and the boys) that on a daily basis I’ve found myself muddling through a routine of work, play with the Monkey and wine time after bedtime. With the Rachel I have managed to make time and juggle things to maintain my BFF life there and in spite of our distance we are rocking the friend shit. Wedding planning and all! (she’s getting married not me) In the past though, I’ve made excuses about not being able to go or not wanting to do certain things and with this comeback this year I’ve taken the bull by the horns and thrown out most of the old thinking. And now that I have a really fantastic Guy (no seriously he thinks of shit I don’t – like hello craigslist for guinea pigs!) in my life I’m started to peel back the reasons I hide behind for only being able to go out on certain nights or only when the Monkey is with the Bio. In this relationship those reason don’t seem valid anymore. When someone is willing to come over and spend time with you even after you’ve gotten a chemical burn on your lady parts from an allergic reaction to some kind of cream product that was supposed to make it lovely…yeah he’s that friggin’ awesome. I know, I know. What? Lady parts? Frack it’s a long story but it made me realize that when someone cares about you there’s no amount of lists that can explain it. It just happens. And I just have to let the happy, happen.
Let the happy, happen people! Balance. Breath and just let it happen. With the Monkey and I moving forward into this new phase of our life and seeing what possibilities there are in his little mind its comforting to know that we’re both in this one together and he knows it.