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Beard on a Straight Man?


Isn’t it funny when people make snap judgments? Not like ha-ha funny, but more like a-ha funny. Those moments when you see how truly divided the world at large can really be about the differences between genders and sexual orientation.

This afternoon I received text from a male friend of mine. We’ve known each other for sometime and run in the same circle of buddies who are like-minded. Usually, I only hear from him when Mr. C is in town and that’s fine. It’s how our little group functions. But that’s not what I thought was interesting. R.J. wanted to borrow me for an evening. Nothing sexy. No boundary crossing. He needs a beard for a work shindig he’s hosting at his new casa and he asked me for an assist.

What I found most provocative were the responses…it seems that for many this should have immediately been some kind of Red Flag leading one to think debauchery was his only motive. A straight man asks a single female friend for a smidgen of help and he’s suddenly looking for something in the zone of bastard. I will admit it’s a little deceitful for him to pretend I’m his girlfriend to people he works with and have known for quite sometime. But, what I am a little shocked by is that no one wanted to know more details and jumped right to the nefarious conclusions. So I began to wonder, if he was my Gay BFF aka Mr. Crystal would anyone have gotten their panties in a twist of worry for my welfare? Me thinks, no. While I did get a few cute responses from @LadyDucayne and @Lisasonrisa I was a little floored by the range of responses that were more on the negative side.

This got me to thinking about how muddled crap gets when you are dating. Do we always have to assume that a man has intentions of the not so noble sort?

Here’s the thing. R.J. needs someone to shield him from possible set-ups and the such from co-workers who are either long-time married or wish to help him not be the only single guy at the firm. He works 90-hour work weeks and has no desire for a relationship. He enjoys his playboy lifestyle and his giant lonely house. He is a man who has found his joy. Solo. And for all intents and purposes I might as well have a penis. No seriously, he’s seen me in some ridiculous situations and he knows me. Maybe it is deceitful and seflish and kind of mean to do to his coworkers but I understand how he feels. Pressure. Like a vice around your neck forcing you to move toward the light and just settle down. Many times as a woman I have gotten the sideways glances and the pity furrows that make me feel like they all might accept me if I just had a man in my life. Oh the all-knowing they. But even when there is a man in my life I often wonder if it makes a difference. Okay, yes the addition of penis is nice…especially when the vibrator batteries are low. However, a man does not make me whole. Nor does a woman make poor R.J. any more of an acceptable human man-child. And yet, a friend in need is a friend indeed…and so I will be helping out my buddy.

Yes this situation has the makings of a badly written Rom-Com (love ya Lisa!) starring some blonde hyperactive actress who looks like a fish every time she’s surprised. But, if it comes to that and he wants to cast a blonde then I will send in the Rachel! But, seriously I’m taking this one for the team and okay getting a dress and shoes out of it cause that’s how we roll.

I guess I am starting to see just how different I am wired than many others…I would do this for Mr. Crystal and I will do it for R.J. but I guess since he’s not Gay I get to put my Beard Association Card back in it’s sheath.


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