This last year has had no shortage of holy shit and what-the-fuck and today was well just another one of those to add to this list. When you’re a single parent you need to know where everything is coming from at all times and when things happen outside of the ideal picture of life well, then you have to wonder how many more bumps in the road are going to be thrown at you and how much more you can take.

When I showed up to work today, just off of a world class 36-hour turn around to San Fran I was feeling on top of the world. Yesterdays meeting was top notch and I owned my shit. The team hit the marks and we are certain to have a good future with this client. I can feel it in my bones. I could feel in my exhausted eyes as we finished out frozen yogurt to close the day of work shopping ERP Setup, FI and Customer Care. There is only one problem…

…the team will be doing it without me.

That’s right. Today I was told my position in my company at this time is being eliminated. (pause for holy shits and what-the-fucks) I know why. I’m not a fool. The company has been under a huge microscope and in constant flux for the last two years. I’ve always worked for the same amazing boss and as of last year that changed. With change comes bumps and bruises and scrapes as you learn new territory and iron out the kinks. But, while trying to juggle a lack of new guidance and keeping up with my old job duties I lost sight of what was really happening. I was becoming the piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit anywhere into my new executive managements game plan. I’m often too vocal. I’m often too much of a doer. I hate leaving things unfinished. I hate feeling like this. More than being upset over the loss, I am upset about the loss of ability to close a deal and make it happen. It’s how I function as a workhorse.

As the dust begins to settle, I’m started to calculate how long I can afford to live here in this house with my blue walls. I wonder how I will afford the rest of the year of school tuition. I can’t help but think of how I will manage to keep shoes on the feet of the Monkey. I am a single Mom and this shit isn’t easy when you do have a job to pay the bills…now I have to bust ass to turn this around and like yesterday.

I wasn’t raised to sit and cry and think about what if. This is not the first time I have found myself looking for employment and I’m sure it won’t be the last in my career as things move forward. It is just some pretty fucking bad timing. This is something I can do. I know I can.

So…if you know anyone who’s hiring and is looking for a wicked cool chick with a penchant for supply chain management and a pretty snappy dresser hit me up on the email.

I will keep y’all posted.