It’s funny but a friend of mine emailed me after reading my last post to ask me for dating advice. Why is this amusing? Because to be honest, I don’t really think I’m that good at this shit. Relationship are not my forte, but for some reason I’m really good at giving other people wicked excellent advice on how to manage their dating pitfalls. So, when a friend in real life emailed me and asked me a question I called her up quick as a flash and asked her what-the-frack lady why not just call.
We chatted a bit about her dilemma and then she said, why don’t you write a post about it? What? Write about your question? Yeah, it was obvious to her that she always comes to me for advice and this question being on-line dating relevant and in time with my writing of the moment, that I should use this post as a regular segment can she aptly named it Mama Says.
So lovely readers, here it is the first in what might be a long running, every now and then segment.
Mama Says.
Dilemma/Question:
I’ve been dating this guy who about 2 months and we met on-line. We’ve been out a bunch of times, met each other’s friends and he’s just recently spent the night at my house for the first time for sexy times this weekend. I noticed that he still has an on-line dating profile, but then again so do I. My silly question is how long would you be dating a guy before you ask him if he’s seeing anyone else or if he wants to be exclusive?
So, Mama Says…
As we talked about on the phone twenty minutes ago…just ask. My thing is that IF you feel something in the pit of your stomach and it nags at you for an answer you can’t provide than you should just address it with the person. Whether it’s dating, friends, family, work or life in general if you feel it then get your answer. People often, so naturally pretend they are happy with something so as to not rock the boat, and keep the peace. But in doing so they lose hold on what really matters in any relationship…Communication. If you want a relationship to have a chance then you need to make your feelings known and ask the make or break questions. I’ve learned this the hard way. With the Bio, I did this. I was so afraid of creating tension and then a fight. If I questioned something, then it meant I wasn’t happy and then we’d fight and then he’d leave. I should have seen that as a huge breakdown in communication and ran immediately, but instead I got really good at hiding and pretending. I will never do that again. Basically, my new take on this kind of stuff is that if the question comes up in your head and it won’t go away then ask the other person and get your answer!
Okay, so sometimes the answers are not what we want to hear. If you’re dating someone and want to be exclusive and they don’t then that’s a whole other sack of shit. If you don’t get the answer you want, then it’s better to get it one and done before you’re doodling his name in your notebook to make sure your names will look right together on wedding invites. My best example is the guy I went on a first date with who didn’t even make it the blog, he asked me on the phone after date if I was sure I didn’t feel like the marrying kind. And I answered him honestly, I might meet someone who eventually asks me to marry them and I feel compelled to say yes, but sure at that point (and this one) I don’t know if I’m meant to be married. I see myself finding someone who will be okay with being my life partner, and sharing a home and life. Someone who knows they love me and that I love them and that is all we need. My answer wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted a wife and more kids then I saw in my life, and we went our separate ways. No harm, no foul.
Bottom-line; if you’re dating someone and you have a question just ask it. There’s nothing more refreshing than the truth, and honesty is all kinds of sexy. If you don’t get the answer you want, then it wasn’t meant to be.
Okay, so send me your questions if you got’em! [email protected]