I broke it.

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I have a confession to make. I recently reacted poorly during a situation and now my heart is tugging at my brain. Okay more like there is a full on cage match happening and my brain is losing badly.

Good Guy and I had plans for Friday. He was supposed to come over. Plans changed since his BFF’s birthday plans on Thursday had gone belly up. I was frustrated and let him know so. Mama did the opposite thing of what she preaches to her friends and readers. I did not follow my heart. My brain shut down any emotion I had about the situation and shoved logic down my heart’s throat. In fact I may have broken things with Good Guy.

Why would I do such a thing? Fear. Fear of knowing that in spite of our lack of meshing schedules that I really did find someone who genuinely liked me and appreciated my single Mama situation. Fear that if I let him walk all over me like Mr. S did that I would end up sad and lonely, and here I am feeling that way of my own doing. Oddly enough no matter how much work I seem to do on myself there is always more to be done.

I don’t know what will happen next. But the next thing I’m going to do right after this is call my therapist and push up that appointment for the end of the month.

Hearts,

sadPanda

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