Shut the ‘M’ Up.

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Lately I’ve been thinking about the ‘M’ world a lot. And in fact the Rachel and I have talked about the subject more frequently than I think either of us ever has in our entire lives…oh, wait not that ‘M’ word!! Crazy dirty birds!! We’ve been chattering about Marriage. Why, dare you ask? I think mostly because neither of us has ever really seen ourselves in the Marriage-State-of-Mind. We’re Lone Wolves if you will. Solo Artists.

But what happens when two chickadees like ourselves actually feels something for someone? We start discussing what that means…and well yes, the ‘M’ Word is one of those topics. People are so desperate to fix themselves into something that is permanent and perfect, and so the ‘M’ word is one of those things that I have always wondered about. The Bio and I had tossed the idea around but mostly we just saw ourselves building a life together and eventually having a family together. Not exactly mission accomplished but I wouldn’t trade the Monkey for all the Gold in China.

When I’ve asked peepsI know about the how/why/when I always seem to get a variety of answers (most are divorced now). However there seems to be a central theme to most…it just seemed right. But, WHY damn it? Why did it just seen right? *DEAD*AIR*

No one can answer me so I assume it’s some kind of Married Only People’s secret society handshake shit I’m not privileged to cause I don’t have the jacket or something…right?

Okay so then what about it to me seems like it just isn’t a fit? Is it that I’m afraid to be sooo disappointed by someone that the thought of going through the process is just hellish in my head? Umm, well duh. Yeah and so forth!!! I’ve seen very few couples make it through. I’ve seen even fewer end up liking each other even if they stay married. And to top it off it just doesn’t appear that there is a point. Bottom line.

Alright, so what happens when Mama D finds she’s got actually feelings for someone? I dunno. We’ve not even seen each other yet…it’s been two years people!! I heart him. I wanna squish puppy dogs into submission over these feelings in my heart. I wanna scale rainbows and beat up leprechauns for their gold over this mixed up mess that is my emo heart.

Marriage to me is my parents. They have done it well and I’ve got no other good example. And if I’m anything like my Daddy, I will be ripe for commitment after my 32nd birthday…so I’ve got 30 days to grow up and deal. Hopefully, I will see Mr. S before then and we’ll figure out the mess we’ve made of each other so I can begin my eventual sprint in one direction or another.

Maybe someday someone will slip a ring on my finger that isn’t meant for teething, made of tin foil or some kind of candy…but,until then I’m pretty sure this woman is a Solo Ranger.

Prove me wrong. I dare you.

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