When did I get Gun Shy?

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I’m not shy. No, really I’m not one of those girls who sits in a room and waits for someone to talk to me….

So, When did I become the girl who stares at her crush and fails to find the words???

He’s a nice guy. He’s cute. He’s funny. And, he’s ridiculously intelligent. I mean like MENSA smart.

Maybe it’s because he works here…and, I fear people besides Laura and Dennis (my BFF roomie and super cool work friend) knowing. Could it be that it’s more about rejection? What if this very nice and smartie pants guy doesn’t LIKE me back once he finds out about my crush?

Only once previously did I date at work and it ended after ONE date…he kissed me, end of story. But, I told him straight out and he was not offended and we have been pretty decent friends.

My therapist says, ‘it’s time to move forward’. So, I’ve started doing things for me on days when the Monkey is with the Bio and I’ve even allowed myself to buy clothes for me. But, why do I feel like I am still standing in one spot watching the world around me?

There is a function next week for a co-worker who is moving to Singapore…he will be there. If my Giant German was here he would tell me what to do and I’d be guided. But, he’s not and I’m so lucky to have my Laura (must come up with nickname other than the Vegetarian) who is being the most adorable matchmaker.

I’m just wondering how I move forward. How do I stop looking at every guy like it’s pointless? I’ve had options in the past, but I feel like its always doomed.

The old me would have made jokes and laughed and then asked him to have beers with me after work…NOW? Nope I just sat there and starred at him and Laura talking and thought ‘Wow what are you doing? Are you really not talking?’

I just want to be me…still looking for who that is.

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