After my post yesterday about Mr. Disclaimer and the great comments from my homegirls @SingleMomSays, @tbdetermined_09, @TsQuest and my newest Twitter pal @runpippirun I felt great about my choice to nix the Douche in the Bud. Well then the BFF got involved…okay not by choice but Mr. Disclaimer dragged her into the drama of which I was not wishing to participate in. Bottom line. Part of the deal for this last weekend was he thought his roomie would be interested in meeting my BFF and so therefore we agreed to at some point during our getting to know each other to introduce them. Gravie! No problem-o. I’m all about sharing the Love Wealth and getting my friends hooked up…heck I’ve been responsible for 3 successful-ish relationships and they admit were it not for me and my Cupid-esque involvement it would never have been! HA!
I digress.
With all this in mind now, here comes the kicker. Mr. D searched out my friend on POF to not only explain his side of the story BUT to ask her if she was still interested in his roomie. I know, I know…you’re all thinking, “OMG! Douche Bag!!”…right??? Well the worst part of it is I think he swayed my friend to see his side and she even said she ‘felt bad’ and ‘maybe it was all a miscommunication?’. Apparently, he ‘explained’ that he was just not sure about his plans and that he was ‘in touch with me as soon as he knew’. Umm, knew what? That at 3pm (on the same day) he’d been sitting on his ass at home probably drinking beers and decided that he would invite me for our First Date Do-Over to a shitty Sports Bar in my home town? Or was it that he assumed I’d be sitting around painting my friggin’ nails while I waited with baited breath for his text?!! PLEEAAASSEEE!!!
This whole episode has gotten me thinking about Boundaries and the best word ever R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Should you really have to explain to a man, or anyone for that matter, that it’s a prerequisite to loving you? That there are certain things that are not okay and other things that he/she/him/it/her/they should just know/do/get? In my honest thinking I feel like an evolved man/woman/it/them with a comfort level in him/herself should just know these are common desires of every human being. Am I at all off-base here? While I think my BFF gets this in general too often those of us who deeply desire to be loved and are getting slowly exhausted by the Life Suck, that occurs during Dating in general. And we start to make excuses and be fooled by the Less Than Man/Woman/IT. By the Less Than I don’t mean that there’s anything wrong with them in general, just simply that these people are comfy where they are and don’t really wanna change. They are Less Than what a person is really looking for and too often we make excuses for them. Like me with Mr. S and making excuses for his lack of ability to be monogamous with anyone. I allowed him to come into my life and bring joy and happiness but with the conditions that we remain incognito with our affair. He was one of my Less Thans and trust me I’ve had nothing but Less Thans since I started dating.
And so with all that out there…YES, Mr. D is for sure a Less Than. A man who won’t make plans with me for a date and then refuses to meet me halfway for a drink at a place just because it’s not his ‘thing’ is a Less Than. There is probably a woman who is okay with only going out for Beers and never doing anything but playing pool and hanging out at Sports Bars, sadly that’s not me. I need a Dude-Man who can culture-it-up now and again but still get down and dirty. Too much to ask for in a person? Eh, me thinks not. Will I ever find the perfect mix of a guy who can fill my tall order? That remains to be seen.
Argh.