Mr. Disclaimer & the Comfort Zone.


Let me start off by admitting that I’m confused about this situation. There is something about having your global group of friends not agree on an issue that leaves this Single Mama unsettled and unsure. But at the same time, I feel good about my choice. Ugh and so forth. The factions are divided on whether or not I was too hard on Mr. Disclaimer and his lame attempt at trying to date me.

Rewind to last week around Wednesday, I texted Mr. Disclaimer to arrange plans for Saturday since I would be Monkey-less and we could have our official 1st Date Do-Over. He informed me he had a Softball Tourney and so he would be busy until late. The next few days went without confirmation that we could hang out after his games and so by Friday night I was making plans with my BFF to grab a bite and have a mellow evening of girl chatter. Groovie and totally called for.

Then came Saturday…my parents are moving at the beginning of April and given their dedication to help me do my own thing I feel like it’s only right I spend as much of my free time helping them move as possible. And that’s what I was doing when Mr. Disclaimer texted me at 3pm to find out what me and the BFF were up to for the evening. Now here’s where it gets sketchy for me. I was not only confused since he had made such a stink about the Softball thingy he had already on schedule but he had several chances throughout the week to make plans to hang out with me. The evening proceeded and I went on to get ready for dinner with my BFF and make tentative after plans to meet up at a local wine bar with friends after dinner. There was at some point a random invite from Mr. Disclaimer to some wings place in the town where I grew up, and let me tell that this is top on my list of things to do on a Saturday night. Yes, every girl wants to visit her hometown for the possibility of running into high school friends!! Since I was miffed about the lack of consideration on his part, I went about my plans and had a great Indian meal and then on to a local wine bar that provided great entertainment in the form of a pretty good band and their patrons.

Yes, I was miffed. I volleyed back and forth about whether to give him a pass. I mean I’d already given him the one for being a little drunkie on our first encounter. So this seemed like a long shot. Not to mention I’d made the effort to make plans! Crap.

The texting continued. More Crap. I let him know where we were at around 10pm after a glass of wine or two (I was feeling generous with him at that point) and that they could meet us there as an alternative and sort as a second chance. The responses are what were driving me nuts. He couldn’t, or I should say wouldn’t come meet us with his buddy at the wine bar but suggested WE meet them for a beer! Even went as far as to make a princess reference. Alright this is where I started getting pissed…MEET ME HALFWAY DOUCHE BAG! And the finale was the text asking me to invite him over for a ‘movie or something’. I mean really?!? I know we’d had some intimate convos about past relationship and appetites and so forth but really?!? He asked me to invite him over…TO MY HOUSE! There are just so many things wrong with that picture. Right?

With all this now being said and done and chatting this morning with @rachelstoll and unnamed Co-worker who I’d still love to nickname ‘Mr. Broken Butt Guy’ (he has an injury and it appears that name would be short lived) I get it. Mr. Disclaimer is/was just not willing to do the real work to see Me. He was looking for easy outs and plans that involve him settling into his comfort zone (Beer is apparently his comfort zone) and not actually having to do anything out of his element (the Wine Bar would have been too much apparently). While 10 years ago I easily would have dropped my plans and finished my drink to meet him for that beer, and giggled about how cute it was that he was nervous and/or insecure, the woman I am today is not up for that crap. She’s just not. Honestly, I kept wondering what they hell was wrong with this picture? Now I see it and had this confirmed by Unnamed Coworker and @rachelstoll, if a guy wants to see me there should be some effort on his part. He should be able to make plans with me and if he really wants to see me he will make it happen. NO MATTER WHAT. And while compromise is important there are lines that have to be drawn for one’s own sanity.

What will I take away from this experience? It takes all kinds to learn about who I am and what I’m willing to work around. Had there been tentative plans made prior then a text on Saturday would have sufficed but he was pretty clear that he’d be too busy. And so I’m pretty confident now to declare I am not okay with being the girl (okay woman) who sits around waiting for a Dude to get a clue. Just not gonna happen.


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