I’m a single Mama. I’m technically unemployed. I live in a house I might have to move out of soon. I’m going through a lot of shit right now. But I’m happy with my life. However, it seems that this is not okay with some people. Especially, after my last post about religion and choice and being well me.
I received an anonymous email yesterday that made my head hurt and my heart angry. See I get emails with questions about dating and how to manage the single Mama life and I answer all those with an open and honest heart. I’ve even started to share a few with y’all here. I follow my gut and make sure to never hold back on sharing the life experience. It’s the reason I write at this point. I’ve got loads of shitastic experience to help those out there who haven’t done it themselves and I figure that’s part of my lot. And truthfully, I love it. But every now and then I get emails from people, mostly women, who hate on me for being something they can’t be…honest with themselves.
This is how it started…
“As a woman raising children in a real family, I am offended by your lack of regard for the fact that you are teaching your child to be an immoral member of society and mock the fact that he will never have a real functioning family because you continue to live your life as a woman of desperate choices”
And then she got all judgey Panda on me…
“You have chosen to be a ‘whore’, your words not mine, and now this poor child is subject to your errant disregard for morals, values and will never know what it’s like to be raised in a family of truth, love and guidance.”
And then she decided my fate….
“Every time I read about your dating escapades I can’t help but know that you will never meet anyone with the fortitude to help guide you away from your path. There is only so much a man can do with a woman like you and since you are not willing to change your ways, you will most likely be trapped in your own misery and your poor son will suffer the consequences of those choices and your sad actions.”
Now that doesn’t seem so bad right? Nah, it’s pretty mellow in comparison to the emails I’ve gotten in the past. She’s civilized about calling me on my shit and she doesn’t once use profanity. Nice. No calling my son a bastard who will beat women or calling me a whore of sin…blah, blah, blah. What the hell bugs me about this? This woman is using my own words against me. She is reading my blog posts and most likely following me on Twitter. She sees me as some kind of charity case that needs her guidance. She is wasting her time.
Let’s address the facts in questions…
Real family? My Monkey has a real family. We are in no way fake or made up or false in our existence. Fragmented? Sure we are totally fragmented and broken but he will never know anything other than how much is Mama and Bio love him. We work extra hard to make sure that the only thing he sees is us getting along. He never sees me cry over his Bio’s retarded behavior and we never speak ill of each other. The Monkey has the best family we can be. Done.
errant disregard for morals, values? I don’t even wanna address these….morals and values? Ugh. It’s one of those things really. My morals are mine. My values are mine. I teach my Monkey to respect and value all life no matter what. So there.
you will never meet anyone with the fortitude to help guide you away from your path? Never is a long ass time. I’m just saying. Never? Really? Well I’ve got news. I don’t need a man to guide me anywhere. Mama needs someone to stand next to her and support her and care for her and just be there when things get out of control and shitty. Yes, I just third-personed myself in a whole sentence. But for serious, those who really know me understand that the woman I am today is the woman I will always be, well minus some evolving thanks to life events and the such. Falling in love and feeling all over-the-top awesome about someone is something I could totally do with a man who loves me and not what he thinks he might be able to make me. Honestly, I think that’s what any person desires with a brain in their head and a thought process beyond making babies and serving their husbands every whim.
I didn’t really want to write this but it was bugging me all night that there are people out there still judging me from a distance without really knowing me. I know that these emails will never stop. I know that these people will never vanish from the Earth (thanks for not looking out fucking Rapture). It just kills my Libra head to have to deal with these kind of people, okay women really. I’m all about balance and understanding and making things feel comfortably even. Truly, I am a self-proclaimed over thinker and this kind of shit makes me think about my choices and my path and why people don’t get that this was the best path for me and my Monkey. If I had stayed or gone back I could be in one of those awful emotionally abusive relationships and my son might have become the same kind of man as his Bio (pre-therapy) and then yes, I would have been to blame for adding another douche bag to society. It would have been my fault for letting my son witness the fighting and the name calling and seeing his parents not respect each other. What’s worse….being a morally corrupt Single Mom or a patsy for someone’s verbal attacks? I pick the latter. That’s worse. Way worse.
Sorry friends for the downer blog post. But now I feel better. I had to do it. And I thank you guys for always having my back.