Strangely enough after that last post on Fear, I had an odd moment of self-honesty.
The Bio and I have a meeting scheduled this Wednesday with our attorney’s to evaluate the current situation and whether or not the Monkey should be in a 5-day Pre-K program versus a 3-day schedule. So, when I saw the number of the attorney’s office pop-up on my phone I knew what the call was for and it made my heart sink.
‘Do you think anything will get accomplished in this session?’
Honestly, I know not a damn thing will get accomplished. After therapy last Friday the Bio is in full blown ‘f-you mode’ and he’s rattling like a bat outta Hell for a reason to take me to the mattresses for real. He’s got a boat of load of resentments he hasn’t dealt with and probably never ever will. He places blame and points fingers. He doesn’t trust me at all. (btw I trust him now) He thinks I’ve manipulated him and used him. He thinks I’m the reason he’s miserable. Yuppers I’m pretty darn sure we’d be wasting our cashola on sitting down with our legal eagles and avoiding eye contact, only to up the hourly bill and push us both further into the Hole.
What do we need to do?
After the last few months and the fact that we have been playing Team Monkey fairly well I thought we were golden until he threw me under the Emo Bus last week for not believing our lied about something his other Grandma said about his living situation. My Monkey has an imagination, but he doesn’t lie about things that are for sure big ticket confusers for his world. Of course I believe him over the Bio’s Mom, duh.Plus, it’s an on-going issue and I don’t see this kiddo being quite up on his manipulation skills yet. But, hey what do I know if not my own child. Eck. So, what do we need to do?More therapy quite obviously.
If I had a dollar…for every time the Bio got all Hot & Bothered about the past I would be a rich woman. He picks and chooses the times he fights with and usually there is a theme. Either he’s fighting with the girlfriend or we’re about to go to court/mediation and he doesn’t want to go into either one of those liking me. Therefore it’s easier to try to beat down the situation and destroy the work we’ve done and place blame.
Why do I bother? Our Monkey is 4-years old now and should be in a good well defined preschool program. Well the Bio doesn’t agree. According to our therapy session last week, school is only something you earn credit for and well, preschool obviously doesn’t fit into that spectrum. I’ve been fighting the whole last two years for him to understand how important preparation is today for Kinder-Life. But my information and fact-finding falls on deaf ears and means nothing to him at all. So why do I bother? Who else is going to fight my son’s battles? Who else is going to make sure he has everything he deserves when it comes to education and opportunity?
I feel like this goes in cycles between me and the Bio. We can only get along for a certain amount of time and then it expires. Then out come the gloves and I’ve gotta stand firm on where I am to make sure our son gets what he needs from both his parents. You’d think I would be exhausted by now…but, this is what I signed up for when I finally left and this is what I will do for the the next 14 years.