I’m not friends with many of my exes. It’s not a rule. It’s not a process. It just seems that if someone who has exited the life of the Mama that is no longer worthy of trust, well than they are no longer worthy of my time. In any form or fashion.
Recently, I had this convo with Mr. Ray Ban who’s new girlfriend is very good friends with her ex of who Mr. RB feels is manipulative of her and takes advantage of the fact that their relationship ended badly and publicly. Mr. Ray Ban feels that this man is using his woman and doesn’t know what to do about it. Professionally they have ties and so it makes sense they might cross paths, but at the drop of a hat he texts or calls for help with stuff. And, Mr. Ray Ban is puzzled since his woman is extremely good natured and sees it as simply helping to keep the peace.
So when just last night I received an email from an ex who needs a favor, I turned to the Boyfriend and the other men in my life for words. This person was deemed unfit for trust and therefore no communication has been needed on my part.
This ex whose name I won’t share because he’ll know it’s him, emailed me to ask me for help with networking stuff. I was floored considering the end of our relationship came over the phone and he made no moves communicate after saying he would. So I let it go. I put on my Big Girl boots and moved forward with my life.
The exes that I am friends with are communicators. People who made an effort to communicate to me why they thought the relationship was over or were good about listening to why I was not happy with keeping up the program. In fact, many of those people I dated or had flings with are good friends that I can turn to for things when I need them. They are in fact part of my network. It takes a mature person to understand how that works. It takes a person with life experience under their belt to know that compatibility is key. It takes a sadistic asshat to continue to manipulate someone after the relationship is said and done.
I shared this email with the Boyfriend and why it bothered me. We can talk about this stuff. I’ve noticed that I don’t have the same apprehension I have in the past discussing my life as I have had with others. If it bothers us, we talk about it. If we disagree about something we make it known. Being that he knows my curiosity has been peaked, he encouraged me to follow my gut, whether that mean addressing it or ignoring it. One thing I’m learning, as the Boyfriend loves to point it out, is that I have trouble putting my foot down with certain people. This bubble of curiosity that is growing in my noggin is mostly from wanting to tell the asshat to go to hell.
Broken trust with me is irreparable. I don’t allow you into my life let alone my inbox without some skull-cracking. People who slander my good name or hurt me in a way that damages my heart are not worth my time. People who hurt anyone I care about don’t deserve my breath. Plain and simple.
Talking this evening to Mr. RB we’ve decided that we are going to take action. He is going to talk to his lady and I’m not going to address the ex at all. I don’t need to. I don’t need to know what he wants. He’s an ex for a reason and my helping him in any way is perpetuating his past thinking that he can get from me what he wants whenever he wants. And well, Mama ain’t going to play that game.
I suppose there are people who feel like keeping their exes close is like that whole enemies saying, but I don’t. Stay the frack away. Move on. Leave me be. If once upon a time you treated me like a piece of roadkill, what on Jeebus’ green earth makes you think I want to help you be successful? It blows my mind when people let that happen. It blows my mind that anyone would be a part of that and feel okay with it.
So, I won’t respond and I’m sure he’ll read this and figure out why I never emailed him back. But shit, I have higher standards than to allow someone to infiltrate my email for their own personal gain.