Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
This subject came up last week-ish when someone on the Facebook friend list of the Rachel posted something about never being picked to be a bridesmaid. There was some rambling about being a good friend and yadda-yadda and why had not she been picked to wear the sacred awful dress and walk down the aisle as the single friend who has never been married yet. Wow. All I could think was wow, really? This is such a source of pain she had to pick Facebook to call out someone passive-aggressively? Let’s think about it for just a smidgen. Has this world really come to something so ridiculous that not being in someone’s wedding makes a woman think she’s been judged as not good enough as a friend if she hasn’t been chosen as part of the wedding party?
Here’s the thing, I’ve been a bridesmaid seven times and I’ve never been a bride. Should this make me feel like my friends have loved me so fricking much that they have deemed me the best option for adorning their lovely wedding memories forever and ever and ever? Or should it make me wonder why the hell I have been proposed to three times (said no twice) and not been down the aisle myself? (see how I popped that one in there) If one has never been a bridesmaid does that mean her friends find her unworthy of the awful dress and dibs on the hot members of groomsmen?
For this research I enlisted the help of friends who have actually been through the Hell fire that is a wedding and here’s what I got…or at least the gist of it.
Women choose other women to serve them as hand maids of wedding terror who are
- Historically there for them through thick and thin.
- Personally less threatening.
- Know some deep dark secret about them.
- Made out with them in college at some point.
- Have never slept with their Hubby-to-Be
- Will look attractive in the dress they pick no matter how awful
- Can drink heavily (it’s mixed on what the outcome of that drinking should be)
- Clean up nice even hung over
- Won’t look hotter than them at the wedding
Ugh this list could go on and on…it’s really a superficial Bridezilla thought process and many of my friends admit they never really thought about it and just picked people who were in their immediate lives that they could stand for long periods. While other had their list for ages; even before the grooms were in their lives. Truly, it blows my mind that women put so much thought into this. IF I ever find someone to take that step with I want to plan that day with him and not before him. Back to the point…being a bridesmaid doesn’t necessarily mean that the bride thinks less of you as a friend. Maybe she was limited to numbers. Maybe she has like five sisters. Maybe her groom has chick relatives that need to be picked to keep the peace. There are so many factors involved. It is mind boggling. What’s even more mind numbing is the fact that women find this inclusion to be a status symbol of some kind that defines your importance. I mean seriously? How on Jeebus’ greenish earth does this define a woman or her friendship with the bride? HOW?
My best friend, Mr. C had me in his wedding party as one of grooms-people. Why? Because when push comes to shove we are the only two people in the world who can push each other and the other will push back. Well at least friendship wise. His Mrs. is pretty fracking stellar. But, he chose his friends. The people who motivate him to be a better person on a regular basis. Men don’t seem to choose based on who won’t look better in a tux or who they made out with at a Rush Party. They just pick. They use logic not popularity. Or at least Mr. C did and two of my other male friends whose wedding I’ve been in over the last ten years. So the odds are against us ladies. Our people are broken when it comes to weddings.
I have always been a bridesmaid, a grooms-person and a flower girl (no really I have been) and that’s always been for people who I honestly love and I know love me back. In my memory, I’ve not been to a wedding and thought that bitch how could she not have picked me! Maybe I’m just wired differently than most chicks. Maybe I’m just more about being happy for people when they find someone to attach with forever. And if I ever bind with someone in that way, I only want people around me who will be happy for me and my love. Too much to ask for? Mama thinks not.
p.s. Rachel this does not mean I won’t hate you if you don’t pick me. #justsayin