N.S.B.M

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Have you ever taken a look at your approach to something and realized it might need a little makeover?

Well, that’s what I’ve been doing lately. Looking at my usual approach to dating and thinking that there maybe something to all that advice I keep agreeing with on that little show Millionaire Matchmaker. Love her or not, Patti Stanger has some really spot on advice on how to approach finding your true love and having it stick. Okay, I’m kinda like Patti-FanGirl. There I said it. *sigh* What piece of tried and true advice of my dear Patti has got me taking a giant step back? No Sex Before Monogamy.

I’m a lover. I love-love the physical stuff. Duh. However, after whole-heartedly examining this last season of MM I have noticed something about my own dating history. Physical stuff tends to cloud whether or not I really gel with someone from the start. Even if it starts with just making out and then builds up to the sexy it is usually way before anyone has talked about not seeing other people. And this road has quite obviously led me to this point. A few marriage proposals, a few long-term relationships and then here we land. Umm, yeah in my book not the most successful of stories. And so we ponder…

This brings me to the discussion on and off Twitter that I had last night with some of the gentlemen in my Man Family. Most notably, Nomad who freaked out at the prospect of my waiting to bang anyone until monogamy. In his mind this was earth shaking news! And here’s why…in his mind monogamy meant being engaged…like getting married and forever commitment. And he is not the only man-friend in my life who thought that monogamy was almost equal to the Wedding Bell Fairy dropping an engagement ring under your pillow. Whoa. Color me all kinds of shocked.

Nomad and I dissected the whole thought process and he agreed that there might just be something to the whole thing. Truthfully, I don’t know if this would have happened without New Guy. If it weren’t for him and the way our first date went and of course confirmation that it even was a date from my Mom and the Rachel, I may not have caught the advice Patti was slinging and thought about it any longer than the 60-minute MM shows I watch. New Guy is a whole new breed of gentleman that I’ve not witnessed since the good ole days.

At this point, we’ve been getting to know each other for the last two months now and we are still a good distance (?) away from the whole physical getting to know you portion of our relationship. And I like it because I really do like him. There is a whole new level of relationship being achieved here. For the first time ever I know for a fact that I don’t want someone to not be in my life. There’s not that soul-searching insecurity I’ve felt in the past or the wondering when we were going to discuss our status. It’s done. We are getting to know each other. No desire to see or meet anyone else. There is plan making in the process.

It nice to know where I stand with someone. For some reason sex clouds my mind. It creates this halo affect around the person I’m getting to know and allows me to let things slide because I’m focused on how good the physical feels. But that kind of gratification, at least for me, only lasts so long before I start to crave more from my partner and see what they are truly lacking once the Sexy Fog settles. I’ve done this enough now to know that it’s not producing quality relationship results and Mama is getting to old for this shit.

Maybe this approach isn’t for everyone. Hell I’m certainly not an expert. I think we can all agree to that one given my track record to date. But, I will always admit that I’m a work in progress and this feels like progress.

…oh and I might have things to report after this weekend. *wink*

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