I’ve been struggling with making a big girl choice. And we all know how shitty that can be for those of us who hate to admit we did something wrong. I was firmly positive that Mr. S and his absence during the weekend I was at my friends wedding, was worthy of a good ignoring. That’s right. I spent almost two days ignoring him right back. In my ridiculous little Mama mind I thought not responding to his texts or phone calls made perfect sense. Umm, sure if you’re locked in a social cage of dumbtardedness.
My heart and my head stopped talking. They just ceased to know each other at that point and continued to make irrational choices based on the Past.(que spooky music) That’s right, I said it THE PAST!!! After all the talk I gave Mr. S about starting fresh and leaving behind our sordid past together, I let it get in the way. FML. In fact after reading Single Girl Bloggings post about making choices with our various body parts, I stopped in my tracks and realized I had done just that. My Brain, my heart and my vag had gone on strike and confused the f*&k outta me. I’m in a better position now to know that I need to own my behavior and work forward with my ability to be a grown-up and make change.
Today, I got to confess that my actions didn’t fit the crime. And just like that I found myself in a full blown convo with Mr. S about how I should’ve reacted and that while I was still justified for being pissed off about the awol action, I shouldn’t have reacted like such a girl with her panties in a twister. After re-reading my own postabout the whole debacle, I can understand where I took a wrong turn away from rational reaction to overboard tornado of unforgiveness.
Like Mr. Awesome said, I needed to take a look at my own expectations of the new relationship and how they were maybe a little skewed based on what I already know about Mr.S. True dat.
done and done.
Mr. S and I kissed and made up today at lunch. And, I’ve got what I want right now. A man in my life who can look at me and tell me I’m wrong when I am and not make excuses for me. And all the while realizing that he needs me to do the same for him. I am happy right now knowing that I made giant steps towards reconciling with the past and how it still creeps up on me from time to time. Big Giant Mama Steps to getting better at this, baby.
Rock ‘n Roll kids!