Mama Size Meltdown

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‘If I can’t make it with you then I can’t make it with anyone’ -Daniel Cleaver, Bridget Jones’ Diary

Yes, my friends I went there. It’s on right now and I couldn’t help it. I’m feeling weak and a little dumbtarded right now. That line always makes me think about the Bio and how our relationship ended up. Eck. I’m hovering own the Big D word right now…

Warning: Pity Party Coming!!

I tried to workout and lost my balance and then got dizzy. Pooh balls. I hate being like this. I don’t wear weak and helpless very well, and these are the timesI really miss having someone in my life to check on me, make me food and keep me on my toes. Whenever I’m feeling low and a little daft I watch the Bridget. She makes me feel cozy. My hormones are out of wack and I feel like I could cry almost every other moment as it comes. Today was rough, like crappy rough.

Okay so here’s the short of it…
For those of you prone to worry about me, I’m not going to croak. I’ve just got an issue with my Ovaries (nothing serious). And for now I’m in the stage where we wait to see if it goes away on it’s own. Which it usually does normally, so I’m all amped up on high hormone Birth Control and waiting. It’s uncomfy and painful at moments but the worst are the moments of exhaustion and feeling like I just need to nap. So, don’t worry it will all be okay I’ve been here before and I’m okay…but it does get scary when they start talking about your body like it’s a petri dish and not yours.

Upside? IF I were having knocking boots with someone, nothing would get through this shit!
Downside? I might cry after at how beautiful that shit just was…I’m not kidding!!

Okay back to the pity party!
It’s times like this that I really think about girlie stuff. Like how much I miss having someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me I’m going to be okay, and actually believe it. Feeling the calm that comes just when you need it the most, when you’re right in the center of a storm and that person just makes those moments melt away with a touch or a few encouraging words. I’m a soppy mess right now. Tears folks. Yup, she’s crying…weeping in fact for that feeling. Geez, I don’t even have any of my surrogates within close enough distance for this one and it’s a weeknight. (And no, Mr. C please don’t drive down here!!)

I know every girl is entitled to a meltdown every now and then but this is so not something I try to allow myself to do. And yet at this point the overwhelming feeling of lonesomeness is driving me over the wall. I’m already up the wall people, not all that’s left is straight over. I’m going to go to bed now and try to feel better in the morning. I’m going to shark off the bad JuJu and move away from this moment towards a more productive one. No promises folks…just a whole lotta trying.

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