So…yeah…I had a movie date last night with HSD. Totally impromptu and sort of well one of those things.
Let me just start of by saying, I batted this one around for pretty much most of the afternoon. I mean we’d chatted on the phone after the dinner escapade last Sunday and I really wasn’t sure I wanted to see him…at all. Part of my was glad he got to vent and the other part of me was sad that he had ruined our big reunion. I mean how dare he have feelings! Blasted all to H-E-L-L. But he does share and that’s one of the things I adore about him. He has feelings. He sort of is pretty good about talking about how those play into the Big Picture. (no passive-aggressive tone here) I digress.
So after my dearest Office BFF @rachelstoll enforced what I already knew to be the best choice, I went with my Gut. Oh the tried and true Gut! I invited HSD over for a movie after the Monkey went to bed. In my heart, I miss the way we were on nights like last night. It was a whole routine. It was comfy. But I’ve put my foot down that things must be different if he’s going to woo me. No kids. No day trips. No bedtime routine. Just dating. Just Me and Him. Good Plan? I think so.
Alright, so I bet you’re wondering how it went? What happened? Was there any grown-up play? Did we actually watch a movie?
It went very well. We talked again. Less what-does-it-all-mean and more hows-your-day-shooting-the-shit. There was for sure grown-up play. (wink-wink) And we pretended to watch Big Lebowski. It was a blissfull. For those of you who are just tuning into the program he has a way with Me. If I went into detail I’d have to put up one of those censor warning before entering my Blog. Needless to say I’m a smidge tired today…
Are we going to rush into the whole BF/GF title crap? Nah, we did that before and after this last two times hanging out I got him to say those little words every girl wants to hear from the guy she has already diagnosed with Relationship Phobia. ‘I’m just not sure what I want’ and the best ‘I have no idea what I’m doing’. It was like music. It was beautiful. To hear a Man admit he’s got no effin’ clue what’s going to happen and not try to pretend he’s got it all figured out was refreshing. How often does that happen? Umm, like practically never. Am I right? The fact of the matter is I have no clue either. I don’t know how to date or what you’re supposed to do when you get to a certain point. I always feels different with different guys and so I approach accordingly. Often being too hasty and not really listening to that Guy of mine.
Now to the nitty gritty. Will we fall in love and spend eternity together? Eh, I dunno know. Do I totally want to see if he’s the One? Hell Yes!! Will I stop dating other Objects in the meantime? Nopers. I’ve been ubber honest. He knows that I’m going to go out and live my life and if we become more over time than Super Duper. We aren’t going to do anything irrational…Yet. *sigh* Not that I don’t wanna. Trust me. I wanna.
The best thing about this process is that I’m doing this the way I feel comfy. I’m not running away from what scares me about him. I’m having a Good Time. And I’m not clutching to something for dear life. This will work out if I let it because it was meant to be and not because I’m scared to be alone or desperate to have a warm body next to me. My Forever is out there and I owe it to me to find it. And when it comes along and actually happens it won’t be because I chained to the bed and made it stay. Although that sounds awesome, right?