the Loss

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Just a few weeks ago, my family was struggling with the reality that my Mom was indeed suffering from the ill effects of a Brain Tumor. I know, right? A friggin’ tumor? All I could think was ‘people don’t actually get tumors’…it’s the stuff of movies and crappy dramatic TV. But my very own Mom had been struggling to get out of bed and even keep food down over the last weekend of January. So, me the stubborn daughter who never lets Doctors push Me around with choices or evil over diagnosis dragged my Mom back to the doctor on Monday, February 1st. The emotions that swirled around what was already a mood of loss and sadness quickly swept into ‘Fix-It-Mom-Mode’ we like to call it between mi Mama y yo. We ask the questions that no one wants to and we get the answers that nobody really wants…we’re Mommies. It’s our job to tackle the tough stuff head-on so no else has to. And so yes the tumor had to come out.

6inches around and solid. Touching the brain stem just enough to cause pressure and disruption to her quality of life…

It came out on February 2nd. And my Mommy is doing amazing. She’s walking and talking and living life. We conquered the Evil within and now it was time to heal as a Family. It was time to turn full circle and regroup. Plans were in motion for a House Warming Party for me and the Monkey, for a recovery party for my Mom and getting ready for my Uncle’s birthday in March.

February 12th changed that for all of us…again.

At work and maintaining my great Thank God Friday is here attitude, I got the call…my youngest Uncle had suffered what they thought was a seizure. An hour later it was defined as a Stroke and he was suffering from a Brain Bleed. All we could do was wait…and we all know how good I am at waiting. So the waiting game ensued and I did my best to occupy my mind. Took the Monkey to a Birthday Party for his little Girlie friend. Cooked actually food for the week. Made an effort to give peace a chance with some lost friendships. And then we got good news. He wasn’t officially Brain Dead but it would be rough IF he made it out of the Coma. More waiting…

Sunday, at just after 3pm my Uncle quietly left this world…it’s one of those things. He’s was so young. He was so loved. He was like a brother to me. He was the one Man who spoke honest words without regret. He was amazingly dedicated to his Family. He was…

I’m not sure any of this will make sense to anyone but Me. This Man was like my brother. He would listen to music with me and taught me how to think outside my box. He dedicated himself to helping others and showing young people that there is a choice other than what society hands you at birth. When I thought I was failing my son by leaving his father before he was even born, he spoke the most amazing words to me…’Love is everything, Mija and this is Love’. Never after that did I doubt that having my son and being strong enough to make the healthiest choice for both of us was the right thing to do. Mi Tio was a firm believer in faith and fate…and God’s Plan.

Is this God’s Plan? Is he teaching us something from this loss? From the evolution of my Faith over the last seven years, I have to believe yes. I have to believe that God (his God, your God, my God…whoever he/she may be) gave him the body he lived in with a soul and he did with it what he could but in the end that Higher Power chose to take him from us for his own good. His body was tired and needed to rest. His soul will come back to us, someday soon in whatever form it chooses. I believe this with my heart and soul…deeply.

Loss is devastating. Faith is guidance. For me at least, it guides me to a place where I can love my Uncle from here on Earth and know what he is at peace with his Mother and Father.

Now if I can just get through February without another Family tragedy I’ll be a woman at peace…

Thanks.

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