The Dead Wait


Last night I got to catch up with my dear friend @JaneErik musician extraordinaire and all around lovely woman. We’ve known each other since college roomie days. I mean this woman witnessed some of my most ridonkulous college behavior…like bleaching my died black hair, dating one too many wanna-be rockers & porn addicts, driving to Vegas on no sleep, driving to San Diego on no sleep & then doing nothing but drinking Margaritas and hiding…and all the in between stuff that I will not divulge out of respect for the roomie code.

While the contents of the gal pal chitter chatter is confidential there was one topic that has hung in my head since last night. When do you call the long-term relationship your in dead weight and cut it loose? How long do you let the Dead Wait before your inform them they are goners?

For me it was after 1.5 years of denial to largest degree and one pregnancy later that I finally cut the dead weight and told the Bio I was done for good. Keep in mind he was probably done WAY before I was, okay not probably but you know what I mean. There were things about that relationship I hung onto that clearly didn’t make our relationship function any better…we loved the same type of animation, have dark humor and sarcasm, love to eat candy in bed while, have an affinity for make up sex and lastly the desire to save someone else. These things worked against us because they were really the only thing after our first split that really defined who we were. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to leave me again. Walking on egg shells goes beyond what our lives were like together but we loved each other for so long neither of us would admit it was just Dead and the Waiting was killing both of us.

In more recent relationships and since my Single Mama therapy started I have found myself able to drawn the line quickly and fish or cut bait. But I wonder how much time I wasted in other relationships, even friendships, allowing the dead weight to suck me down before I woke up with seaweed all over my face and that creepy saltwater smell in my nostrils. (I think I need to go fishing…hmm) But in the end I’m realizing that there are certain relationships we hold onto because they are fragile in our minds, more so than they actually are in real life. Like I created with the Bio, this sense of needing to nuture something that was too neglected to thrive in any conditions.

Twirling back to last nights catch up session with my girlie @JaneErik (or Bexx I used to call her)…during my time with the Bio I drifted from good friends to cultivate that dying relationship and to oppress myself with the Dead Waiting. I’m glad Bexx and I have drifted back together after our hiatus. It makes me sad that we spent so much time apart when we could have been there for each other all along. But regrets are not on my list of things to keep in house…so we wash away that feeling with the new feeling of joy that True Friend has been recovered in my long haul of a recovery back to me.


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