the Birthday party.

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Yesterday was filled with paranoia and over thinking…

Hot Single Dad’s Little Dude turned 4 years old yesterday, and while we had talked about briefly on Saturday at the Zoo, I wasn’t sure the Monkey and I were invited. I mean in my head it didn’t seem like he was extending an invite, but at the same time I tend to over think the way people talk to me. My brain puts itself in hyper drive and I speed through the language looking for holes and gaps that justify my desire to run and hide.

With that being said we texted a smidge yesterday and my final decision to go came after I talked to my Co-worker (still needing good tag name for him). His theory: HSD wouldn’t have mentioned it if he hadn’t really wanted me and the Monkey to come. End of over thinking.

Enter me and the Monkey to the event in question. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I felt like an alien landing on another planet. Bah. He hugged me Hello and the Little Dude opened up the very cool Transformers Optimus Prime remote control Truck I got him and was super excited. Even more endearing is that my Monkey already adores Little Dude immensely. The only reason he left school before snack time was because I told him where we were going. But one of my deep-rooted fears is that we’ve introduced two boys who now are bonded in a way that we can’t understand, and taking that away from them would be evil.

The party had dwindled down to just HSD’s friends and his adopted brothers and sisters and his Mom…yes, I met his Mom. She’s one of those women who is calm and collected and just seems like she’s got her shiz together. I immediately liked her. His friends seemed cool but I was so preoccupied with Monkey wrangling that I barely got know them..except for base introductions and chatter.

Again, I was an alien…where did this girl come from and what was she even doing here? There was no real explanation of my appearance. We didn’t get a chance to chat about anything. He was minding everyone and in an hour Little Dude was due to go back to his Mom’s house. Bah.

I’m not sure I feel good about going. I’m not sure I feel like it was a good choice. I’m distracted by the fact that I feel SO much emotion for this person at this point. I adore him. I adore Little Dude and I absolutely love the way that they are together. I love the way he plays with my son even when there’s tons of other things he could be doing. I love how he talks to my little Monkey and makes every effort to understand the Monkey jabber. It’s great…it’s awesome. But still there is fear that needs to be squished and I’ll get there sooner or later.

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