It felt like home to me.

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So five days after our 1st date and lots more talking and texting, we both admitted five whole days felt too long. He said it out loud and I agreed.

I drove to his house to meet him for dinner since my day was just to scattered to come to focus and be ready at my house…plus my hair appointment ran over and technically I was late. HSD was waiting for me, with a post nap crankiness that was just too adorable. Having had fallen asleep waiting for me I skipped the explanation about the hair, it would have not been polite to admit I chose highlights over him. While I sat on his couch waiting for him to pick a shirt I starred at the train set in the living room, the same exact one my Monkey has and it felt like home. That’s when I shuddered and freaked and started to think about ‘rushing’ it and began my deep breathing to move away from the thoughts that we’d need a bigger house for both the boys. Whoa. Brain freeze.

After his shirt dilemma was solved we hopped in his car, which was tough for me in a skirt being that it had rollbars and was outfitted more for racing than for street driving. I let it slide. I love fast cars. Once at the restaurant we had the usual 2nd date chatter about our families and our friends and the dream vacations we want to take with our kids…and he did it again he said he couldn’t imagine going another week without seeing me. I’ve not held hands across a table at a food joint in years. Not since I told the Bio I was preggers for the record. He shared personal things with me and I felt like I could tell him anything and he’d get it.

Post dinner plans were to play Blacklight Mini Golf but those were scrapped when we agreed we just wanted to get to know each other. We rented a crappy movie and spent the rest of the evening chatting and having our 1st and many other kisses. He told me he felt weird saying it so soon but he was sure he didn’t want to see anyone else and asked me not to either…this sparked a LONG talk.

The bottom line for him…he doesn’t see dating more than one person as productive. And something was telling him that I was going to change his life for good. He told me he knew it when he saw me in person for the first time.

The bottom line for me…I have spent the last 8 months recovering from my fear of being hurt and giving that power to a man. Especially after being hurt by the Douche Bag and his I don’t really have a girlfriend speeches. Finally I’ve come up with the strength to live and let go for real. I think I proved that to myself with the Mtn. Man. And now here’s this man who is tossing me his heart and his feelings are right out there…so what do I do?

Of course I had to be honest. My heart says stop here and just see what happens. It couldn’t hurt, could it? Well as a matter of fact it could hurt…really BAD. But is being afraid of risk taking worth losing out on what could be something awesome? This optimist who has taken up residence in my head, has to say…NOPE. Love is hard and ugly and painful and if this is a chance to be loved than I will take it with both hands open and if I get hurt then I will rise above that too. Before the night was done I told him I would try to the best of my ability to let my heart be there. And I will. I owe myself that.

As for the rest of the date…I fell asleep watching the lame movie in his arms on his couch and yeah it felt like home in that moment to me. Until he woke me up and I left…but I won’t mind going back.

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