All posts tagged single Mom

Yadda, Yadda the Past. Yadda, Yadda Eff’em.

Every man I’ve ever dated has had a woman or twelve, in his past who lingered in the shadows of whatever incarnation his present is currently in. A former lover, girlfriend, friend, teacher…someone who made an impact and simply never faded or stopped stalking him, no matter how far away those moments were from the day we met.

The worst experience came with the men who I fell in love with. The men who I gave the power to crush my itty bitty heart to smithereens like Wile E. Coyote’s whole being at the relentless smarts of the RoadRunner. It wasn’t the men who held those memories close to their hearts, it was the families. Mom’s who kept prom photos up from the high school sweetheart that got away, grandpa’s with shrines to a former life of the most “amazing little lady”. Or the sister’s who constantly reminded me that they were still friends with the former lady love. Like little tiny pinpricks at my young and yet-to-be-jaded heart. These moments were awful and gut wrenching, especially when the men in my life found it to be no biggie. Ladies, I’m certain you’ve gotten that look of sheer shock because well their families could do no wrong, and how dare you crazy person dare have feelings about anything!

Sorry, I digress.

Trust me eating Sunday dinner with the entire family next to a wall of photos of the woman your current flame describes as “what it must be like in purgatory” is not a cheerful time and makes it much more difficult to ingest ones less than appetizing TV dinner montage. Oh, especially when someone randomly brings up that unnamed former girlfriend came by and yadda, yadda she’s still really pretty and successful and going to Grad school and is getting the Nobel Peace Prize simply for how amazing she dresses when volunteering at the local senior center. *breath*

The only man who never made me feel like that past was anything more than the past was of course, Future Husband.

The odd thing is that with all the hard work and tireless effort, that was put into trying to be a part of families, I simply didn’t see that these families not wanting me wasn’t that big a deal. My desperation to craft the undeniably perfect meshing of two families was a farce in many ways. I’m a “all my ducks in a row” kinda dame and used to have a much harder time dealing with the aftermath if one stepped out of line. I put so much value into the approval of family then I needed to. What I needed to face was that these men were raised in families that not only wouldn’t accept me but also didn’t raise a man worth the two pennies I had to rub together at that age.

As I grew up, got older and I came to see that the only thing that mattered was the family I chose to build – and of course the one I was born into.

When I first starting dating Future Husband, he wanted me to meet his Bro after I believe only a couple weeks and I flat out declined. At that point I had a strict policy…no family until I knew that I liked the person beyond the blue eyes and fracking adorable smirk. My goal for my next long-term relationship was to have it be about us and not me having to impress a group of people into liking me over the other women of his past.

And that’s exactly what we have, a relationship that is based on not killing each other  being good to each other, raising a wicked cool Monkey and working hard to fulfill our dreams.

It’s funny that I almost got that nagging flicker of insecurity last week but then I was reminded that I cannot change the past and I will not let infect my heart in anyway. Heck if it wasn’t for the past choices of both me and Future Husband, I wouldn’t have all the things I have in my life right now, including the ultimate in chosen family.

I’m proud of who I am today, the man I chose to love and the Monkey who calls me Mama. So there.

 

 

 

 

Watch the Shadows.

Lately, I’ve been exploring my camera work and started stumbling around with Future Husband’s DSLR yesterday. While those aren’t posed yet and I will post them soon. This picture I took last week while watching Monkey play has quickly become one of my favorites.

Read more…

Epic Self Discovery!

Yesterday, the Monkey and I drove up the coast for what was coined an Epic Play Date hosted by Hyundai. It truly was epic.

Initially, when I saw the offering posted on a Facebook group I am a member there was no way I was skipping the conference I already had plans to attend. Unfortunately, after a family tragedy I had no desire to be around people. No desire to schmooze and gather biz cards or flaunt my wares for all to see. There was no part of me that wanted to listen to anyone tell me how to make my blog more successful or brand myself. Crap that’s what I have the Boyfriend for…literally that’s his job, branding.

I digress.

Yesterday morning I woke up to the alarm and was weary. Withsadness and with the desire to escape and so the Epic Play Date seemed perfect. I packed the Monkey in the car – grabbed some Starbucks and hit the 101 Freeway to Santa Barbara. To be honest, I had no idea what was in store. What could possibly be epic about driving to a ranch in the middle of nowhere and hanging out with bloggers that I read daily?

If you haven’t read my post from yesterday the truly epic-ness of the day came from what I experienced with my Monkey. Read the post and then come back. Read more…

Feel it and write it.

When I started blogging it was for my soul. To relinquish the bad juju that was hovering around my heart and in my brain. A means to therapy for my brokenness and the way I made some fabulous friends. Friends who stood with me during court battles even though they weren’t there. Friends who offered virtual hugs no matter what time of day I tweeted bad news or frustration at my situation. Today spending time with my Monkey, it dawned on me why I did this to begin with.

To share my story.

There was a time when I wrote just about being a single Mom in the healing process…that was my story.

Then I wrote about dating as a single Mom and all the bullshit that comes of it…more of my story.

Today my story is haven fallen in love with the Boyfriend and raising my Monkey with him.

Somewhere in between there, I started making a little side cash with my writing. Copy editing jobs and social media management jobs came my way, along with a few paid posts here and there – thanks to some phenomenal networks and then at today’s event that was indeed sponsored by a brand, I realized that these things were a part of my story. Sharing in family activities with other bloggers and experiencing a high from knowing that they were sharing stories while creating new ones. Read more…

Today I am Blue.

Mama is no stranger to the BIG D and well I’ve never been a shy to share it. It’s that sharing that has helped me gain some insight into the changes I need to make. It’s helped me find the doors I need to close and the windows I need to open and jump through. One of those windows, has been getting my booty to the gym on a regular basis and making moves to be healthier all around. Mama who wrote about how horrible it was to think about paying for the gym, is now a full fledged gym persona.

Mr. Awesome has called me a Gym Rat. I am there four to five days a week. I have weight to lose. I have baggage to toss. I have a lot of work left to do on me as a whole… Read more…

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