Being a realist about most things, and having grown-up a shit-ton since I was 24-year Mama, I expect people to just get it most of the time. Like logic. Logic is a funny word, especially when people throw it around and it doesn’t apply. Logic to me is when you see an issue and you point blank make a black or white choice that fits the bill. Logic means looking at both sides presented by my Libra Brain, and doing the work. Logic is sometimes making painful choices that hurt. Hurt the folks around us, heck even ourselves sometimes.
Logic is something that makes sense.
It’s days like today that I wonder what happened to common sense. Sometimes I forget it. Sometimes I wander through my day without it. But in my life, today where I am, I work very diligently to look at my life and make the best decisions for me and those in my casa. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I win like a rockstar.
Today I a may have messed up, but I followed my heart. I followed my gut. I followed myself and maybe I hurt myself and someone else. But, I did the doodly doo.
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I wonder why it is that folks today have such a fear of life. Ya know actually living life. Doing things that make them happy to be alive. Living is so much more than just getting by every single day. When I was living my life as a 20-something, I got by just for me. I got by. I lived for different things. I lived for the next party, the next boyfriend, the next moment when my life felt like magic. Today that magic comes in a different form for me. It comes in the form of my Monkey, my family and of course the Boyfriend. Magic I have earned by living my life with logic. Not worrying about what others might think of my choices or how I choose to live my life.
For six years, I have been on a search for me. Looking for the girl who got lost in all the heartbreak and bad choices. Searching for the kind of Mama I wanted to be for the Monkey. And I found her in the joy that came with single Motherhood. I lost the fear of failing, or at least I tucked it away some place for safe keeping. Never in my existence as a Mama did I ever let another person define me as I did before these wicked good times. I avoided men with complexes and kept my heart safe for the one. The elusive one who might or might not be out there.
He was totally out there. The Boyfriend was found almost two years ago and it was the Magic I was looking for all this time. He respects and adores me and of course the Monkey. This is the first time that I felt like I was a part of a team. The last year has been a challenge. We’ve both been in and out of horrible jobs, worked nauseatingly to find good ones and then experienced loss together. This is what life should be like for everyone. Seriously.
So understand when I say that I don’t understand when folks choose to be in a miserable life. I can’t fathom pretending to be something I am not anymore. I can’t comprehend wasting my time convincing myself that someone deserves my patience, love and admiration when they haven’t done jack crap to earn it. It’s blows my mind.
When I was a kid my Mom and Dad taught me that life is what you make it. For a long ass time I made it pretty damn craptastic, and now that I’m recovered from my moments of dumbtardation I am me, again. I am the girl my parents raised and that makes me happy to be me.
Live your life for you. Live it.